LONDON SANDWICH

WOI! so its officially gonna be winter next week. i had a theory regarding the weather. of recent years the hot spells (and snow) seem to be coming a month earlier each time. i thought maybe someone fucked up, made a mistake and there is only 11 months in a year. you having that?

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well we go in with a rant. another rant regarding mcdonalds. remember last week that rumour went around Facebook that mcdonalds was not serving to under 18 year olds as a gesture to combat child obesity? people were making claims they were ID'ing people in mcdonalds restaurants and posting around this super dubious little pixelated image of a sign on a door of a mcdonalds.

this made my fucking blood boil with the amount of people asking if it was real. It always shocks me how thick people are. people who i know and talk to in the real world. how can you even conceive that it might be true? Ok so mcdonalds, one of the biggest companies in the world, arguably the biggest food brand in the world dramatically change there policy and business ethic and plan, and also agree that their food causes child obesity, and by pure chance they didn't think to mention it to anyone, advertise it or make it publicly known. not even on their own website. fucking idiot spacker mongoloids. seriously, how stupid do you have to be to even for a second think that might have been true?

even worse than that, people i know were claiming that they themselves had been ID'd, adding fuel to the fire. what a pathetic lie to tell. why would you? just for attention? thick, thick little cretinous spags.

this is me in mcdonalds, not impressed with an under 18 year old eating against company policy.

this was at leicester train station. i thought it looked very nice indeed.

this is shower. i love milkshake so much, i want to have a cheesecake flavour milkshake. ill drink it and scream THIS IS LIFE

me and bradders were on a train to london, and the winner in the Jimlad look alike contest was also commuting. 

bradley got a new hat. i just quickly took this photo because it made me laugh, but looking at it now the lighting is really nice in it. if it was so ridiculous and stupid i could try and pass it off as a genuine arty-farty photograph. i bet if bradley was a half naked girl with tattoos this could get dumb reposts on tumblr. looooool #TrivialPointlessBullshit

this little king of the world was doing whatever he wanting in the shopping centre.

after a few metres he would lose balance and his skateboard would fly out in front of him, inevitably into someones legs or path. this didn't seem to bother his dad.

this cover is so appealing isn't it? it made me think of miami vice. it made me think of GTA vice city. driving music. before i downloaded it i listened to a trailer for it on youtube. check it out below.

i know. what was i thinking? jokes on me, its more generic ministry of sound shit.



i love this whole campaign. from the swanky, funny tv visuals to the painting like these, i think it's really fantastically stylish.

went for a piss on the way to the club round a corner (in landan), and there was a mobile CT scanning unit from leicester. BZZZZZZ PSHHHOOOOW (they are futuristic gun sounds.)



it was skeng season. this looks like a screen cap from a youtube freestyle video.

@MAXIMUSBARTON - CATS AND DOGS VOL. 1 OUT SOON

i met rikodan inside the dance. riko is one of the most unique members of roll deep, and an old school grime veteran incase you don't know. real shower guy

this made me laugh. it was in the toilets of the club we were in. is being drunk classed as feeling unwell?

brad, max and den (max's flatmate) were the team partners for the night.

naturally, as in recent weeks max and logan sama had a chat. did you know as an accompaniment to their friendship on twitter and past face to face conversations they have been talking on Skype (typing, not a battyman chatting ting) for like 2 hours at a time bare nights? its happened. max has finally become good friends with logan sama.

we were at the Butterz vs Harddrive 2nd birthday party at cable. the line up was a fantastic selection on dj's, most of who are on the Butterz label. JME did a PA and shut down the whole club.

for his finale, he performed his recent release '96 fuckries' from inside the crowd. here is a video of it, look out for me, max and bradley.



after the dance we went and got chicken. i fully got fucked over. ended up paying £3 for a chicken burger and chips, when the meal i asked for was £2.50. the same burger and chips that cost me £3 but with a drink as well. it was mental. i paid 50p extra to have my drink taken off my order.

it tasted shit too. you take maryland as a lowest common denominator for granted in leicester, don't you think? the burger was grey and crunchy.

obviously, don't watch the sunglasses, don't hype. don't ramp.

this magazine was on the side in the mile end nandos. labyrinth produced a couple of tinie tempah tunes and has had a couple of shite solo singles, and that qualifies him to be michael jacksons son, and heir to the throne. fantastic bullshitting by this swag publication.

don't watch the bruce lee mural on the side of the kebab house. WOOOOIIII

max is pissed off at those barclays bikes round london. he described them as 'justified littering.' i bet if they were HSBC he wouldn't fucking shut up about them.

i thought the cloudy lemonade one looked really refreshing and nice. I'm a big fan of these anyway, but i will never buy 500ml's of water. I'm sure fellow men know that this is a pointless measure and disappears in seconds. until they start making 1.5ltr bottles of this like with the main flavours i will not be purchasing.

isn't this post like a bradley fancy dress special edition or something? I feel kind of bad if you don't know him, i suppose it is irrelevant content and you won't really understand it. my favourite thing though is the people who read wicked-land, and know the main characters from it. bradley has been stopped a few times and asked if he is 'Bradley from wicked-land.' I'm all about that.

we went for lunch at the slug and lettuce (needless to say this was on monday) and on the screen it had a reminder at the top: 'over 18: 26th March 1994'

that was such a horrible shock. it made me feel old. i remember 1994. very vaguely but i remember that it existed and bits of the world cup. thats fucking horrible isn't it? we will all be dead and forgotten relatively soon in the fullness of time.

got this little guy jamming on my desk at the minute. i drew him with a bic fine biro, and it is one of my favourite drawings i have done in so long. it was a doodle whilst i was on the phone.

photoshop went mental momentarily. 

i can't stop buzzing over the delicious pasta them guys do. they have started switching it up, remixing everything. portion size; now they do a large version (pictured) for £3.50. Sauce: my man gave me half chilli sauce, half mint sauce. ingredients; he put in some freshly chopped chilli and some jalapeños. i sat and ate this at town half square yesterday, it was the middle of the day and the sun was so hot. i felt very happy.

this was the snack selection yesterday. Tom Brewin mentioned this chocolate philadelphia on twitter and said it was going cheap at the co-op. I've been meaning to cop some for a while, so i headed round. John described it as 'spreadable cheesecake'. Tom said 'nutella for your fridge'. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG i started switching. I needed to have it haha

it was so perfect when i opened it. i can't recommend this highly enough. if you have no shame in going into a nutella jar with a spoon and like cheesecake then get involved. it tastes like those cadbury corner chocolate yoghurts where you get the bits of flake or buttons in them. seriously sensational stuff.



well i hope you enjoyed reading. I had a really nice response through texts, inbox messages, tweets and Facebook likes and comments regarding my recent post about our awful time in mcdonalds upon arriving in london. thank you all very much for reading it and i hope you enjoyed this post as much.

now fuck off you drippy little geeks, get away from behind your computer or laptop and get out in the sun.

MISTAKES AND PISS TAKES FROM MCDONALDS

I love Mcdonalds. I think if it wasn't such a tasteless answer i would go as far as to say its my favourite food. you know where you are with it, it doesn't lie. it delivers. it does the job in hand.

I've been to many, many mcdonalds restaurants everywhere i have been and always enjoyed the standard of service and food. enter the Payne Road Restaurant, Bow E3, London.

Me and Bradley went to london this weekend to stay with max, and when we got to his we just wanted some comfort food. the three of us wandered down the road and went in. it was mental.

firstly we were greeted with a massive queue. like, not just your kind of mcdonalds big queue that disappears in 5 minutes, imagine burger king on its busiest day. there was only one person serving. When Max eventually got to the front (after literally 15 minutes) the guys service style was incredible. imagine middle indias answer to drum and bass mc skibadee. he wasn't listening, and sure he was in a rush, but he was just making up parts of the order and adding bits on. he just kept speaking in a monotone rhythmical voice, an assault on the senses. honestly, at one point max said 'and a cheeseburger please...' and the bloke went 'two cheeseburgerssss...' it was fucked.

Bradley clocked that mcdonalds are now serving oasis on tap. as this happened it almost sealed our fate. the woman who had emerged to serve me and bradley remarked they were not serving any fizzy drinks as the machine was broken. no sign on the door, but you are either having oasis, a milkshake or water. As bradley ordered he asked for an apple pie. the woman walked around the back and brought a cold apple pie back round and put it on his tray. bradley felt it, and asked what the deal was, why it was cold. The woman didn't win an oscar in her unconvincing attempt to convince bradders that they have to take them out of the little machine round the front and take them round the back 'to cool down for 20 minutes' as if we have never, ever had a mcdonalds apple pie before and noticed it is the most blistering hot thing available to burn your mouth with.

So not only is this woman not serving us fizzy drinks, she is serving us cold apple pies and then trying to feed us bullshit with our extra value meals. i redeemed my NUS card mcflurry, requested the creme egg one (OBBBVVVZZZZ) and she had the cheek to tell me that its not in the offer with the NUS card. like it would have pained her to help us enjoy our dining experience slightly after a series of blunders and mistakes. By now we were close to giving up. it was one thing after another. i gave in, ordered a crunchie one as a replacement. it came back with a normal plastic spoon in it, as apposed to the appropriate straw/spoon/mcflurry thing that clips on to the machine and stirs the chocolate bits. I asked the woman serving and she said they had ran out of them. our minds were blown. was this really mcdonalds? is this life? like i said, you expect a standard of quality from the mcdonalds brand, and they had not delivered (up to this point) on about 5 counts.

The woman, by now losing patience with us losing patience slammed my room temperature oasis down on my tray and said 'before you start moaning, there is no ice left, thats why there is none in there.' incredible. so not only is there no ice, but the drink inside the cup is just a lukewarm sugary mess, and it was apparently my fault.

we sat down and started to eat. bradley went to eat his apple pie, it was too cold, like beyond a joke so he went up to talk to the same woman who spun him the bullshit about them having to cool down. she had no problem with his complaint this time round and got him a piping hot one from out of the little rack thing. it was so bizarre. where we were sat we were in plain view of the drive through window. during this period i saw two things. firstly, the mcdonalds worker literally tossed the bag of food through the drivers open window into his hands, as apposed to passing it over to him in the style of a human. it was getting beyond a joke now, i thought something was seriously wrong with all the people who worked there. secondly my mind got fully blown.

i looked over at the drive thru lane to see a man getting handed a mcflurry. proudly sat on top of the mcflurry was the correct eating utensil, the fantastic mcflurry spoon/straw thing. remember? the ones they ran out of? the ones they didn't have any of? i couldn't hold in laughter of utter disbelief, it was incredible. I went up to the counter and told the bloke to give me one. he obliged, handing me one out of a brown mcdonalds paper bag that appeared to be full of them and looked confused. i explained that a lady told me no more than 10 minutes ago that they had ran out and he replied they had just got a delivery of them. (it was currently about 11:30 at night.) I walked outside the door, to see the woman on her cigarette break and shown her the spoon. she patronisingly replied 'awwww, you got it then?' it was so weird, like a parody of mcdonalds in a film or something.

finally these three girls came in, all wearing matching fishnets and black pants, attracting a lot of attention from lads passing by. it was inappropriate, like something out of a weird dream. you know when the girls from a strip club come around the bars in town to stamp your hands? it was like that. a weird, uneasy feeling. it seems all the young men in Bow all of a sudden had to pop in mcdonalds, only to have a look at the menu and realise they don't actually fancy mcdonalds. shortly after the trio of rumpasauras' had left it turned into a really hostile environment with a lot of young men rolling in and just sitting around being weird and trying to intimidate people. it went on for about 15 minutes before we decided just to leave.

the whole experience was just bizarre and surreal. it seemed like the staff were doing anything they could to try and piss us off and make sure that we didn't enjoy our time in the restaurant. it was one of those situations where i was thinking if the regional manager could have seen the way the branch was being operated they would have hit the fucking roof. it might not sound like it was mental, but think that all of this occurred within about half an hour and it puts it into perspective just how exhausting the whole thing was. but seriously, why the fuck were they lying about the apple pies and mcflurry spoons? so odd.

SAM GRUBB REPORTING FOR WICKED-LAND NEWS, BACK TO THE STUDIO

CHUMBLR 02

some stuff i like. apologies, i dont know who illustrated the first illustration.

Josh Cochran

also, jean giraud died last week aged 73. If you remember i posted some of his work a few weeks ago. here is another one of his fantastic illustrations.

saw this earlier and thought it was wicked, give it a watch. pointless, but fun. is there a point to art? (seriously question, not being a philosophical twat.)

Drawing Apparatus from Robert Howsare on Vimeo.

MATES, PLATES AND STATES

yo whats going on? every time i go to do a weekly post now i go to write an opening gambit about how nice the weather has been recently, but it seems to have been very pleasant for the last few weeks, so its pointless me remarking on it. although in saying i wasn't going to, i kind of have. ah well, next week then.

On friday i had to blow up bare balloons, like 50. at work. i was well lightheaded after. they looked like grapes.

i swear that second hand bookshop near papa johns on narborough sells the shittest books you can imagine. these were all in the window, as if you are meant to see these and dash in to see what other fantastic works they have on offer.

I MEAN SERIOUSLY

friday night me and darryl duppied a shubbz in birmingham. it was wavy season before we left, we got the bottles in and got pretty pissed.

the crowd were really good. we got more and more pissed while we were there, it was well good fun.

i didn't get this. for a pizza slice it is £1.45, but if you add chips its £1.25. big johns have done it again. i would be into it, if their chips weren't embarrassing lard sticks.

saw a Peugeot 306 police car on our way back from brum. is that real in this country? do they really exist? did we go into some weird blackhole and accidentally went into spain?

hit nandos up the next day with jamie, mills and dent. I'm really getting into chicken off the bone. just for the record, that was the first time ever myself (Sam), Sam, Jamie and Jamie have done anything just the four of us. you having that?

this guy was on his own in orange tree. just sat like this, in suspended animation. he looked so lonely and low.

obbbbbvvvvvzzzz fabrice muamba's heart fucked up. hope he gets well soon, i've been hearing about him in the news coverage and everyone says he is a bare nice person.

played sophbeck saturday night with darryl, for the first time in years. it was well good fun, i forgot how much fun playing that room was. loads of people rolled, it was a pure shower night.

natalie and roast lenged down the roast on sunday, 1,000,000% unreal shit, trust me they make the sickest roasts.

apprentice started again this week. i did a sweepstakes where myself, both my sisters, byron (roses boyfriend) and my mum got 3 random candidates, £5 each in, winner takes all.

Bilyana went first, one of my 3 randoms. fantastic.

i love mcdonalds, its the best food. i love eating it, if it wasn't so bad for you i would eat it every day. apparently the monopoly promotion has started again. BUUUUZZZING

finally when was the last time you pissed on a tv? BALLER SHIT. thats how I'm fucking living, don't ramp.

thats everything then. hope you enjoyed reading through the stuff. go back to a random month and a random post from years ago and tell me something that happened ages ago next time i see you.