THE TURKISH SANDWICH TUTORIAL

Ok so obviously I couldn't breeze through Turkey without making a quick sandwich for the roads. Here is how it went, step by step.

I got some fresh, seeded bread from the supermarket. It was turbo povery over there so 3 6 inch fresh rolls were like 1tl (28p)

I kicked things off with a little mayo. Sandwich glue.

Next I had some salami. I love the really overly pink one that obviously has colourings in that we don't allow in Britain. Delicious, synthetic meat.

They had these nondescript chilli Doritos that were really nice. Just like a slightly spicier cool original. I got a few of them in on the action.

You know that ham they have with the little jalapeños in? I got a pack of that and put some of that in. What a great person the bloke who came up with that is.

Some sliced gherkins as ever, literally the most delicious thing you can put in any sandwich.

Tinned sweetcorn. I'd go as far as to say this is the second most delicious thing you can put in any sandwich. I love it when it's fresh and kind of crunchy.

I had these cheese slices that were like fake Dairylea and the texture was really odd. they were really sticky, almost like they had half melted. Good for going in a sandwich!

I picked up a little pot of this homemade chilli sauce from a place down the road from our hotel that sold kebabs. It was really nice, it was kind of tomato based but very, very hot. I put a good serving on the roof of the sandwich and spread it so it soaked in.

These were really good. Right now I'm pretty hungry and wish I had them back in my life. That's how the sandwich game got down in Turkey, I hope you guys approve!

TURKEY PART 3

Here is the third and final part of my time in Turkey. We went out one evening and these guys infront of a club were showing off with cans of hairspray creating fireballs and whatever. Isn't this mad dangerous? I'm sure I've seen videos of when it goes fucked and the flame goes inside the can and it explodes? Either way; these two Euro nutters were risking a molton shrapnel shower to entertain the audience.

Me and Tomo were gaffing again. God, you can't keep us off it!

I might make this my new profile picture. Let people know im serious about this smoking life.

All the locals had a really funny way of trying to get you into their bars and shops. They would greet you with a handshake as if they are so glad to see you, like you're the customers they've been waiting for. Then they would be like 'Yes please thankyou sir please this way thank you how are you yes please.' it was so funny. I liked this board how they applied that style to it.

On the first day when we were getting hassled by all the bars on the beach front to use their loungers and give them our custom this one guy (In the middle in the white) stood back, zipped his lips and said 'Im not saying anything.' We used his loungers for the whole week and grew quite fond of him and his mate to the right. I have no fucking idea who the weird chap on the left is but alcohol and phone cameras will do that to you. The one in the middle called himself the sexy chef and everything was 'sexy pepsi', 'sexy sunlounger', 'sexy sandwich' and so on.

There were little rabbits in this one bar. the barmen were giving the rabbit dregs of cocktails and getting them pissed up haha

The country was so full of amazing stuff like this. Weird crap translations or jokes

Have you ever seen something so appetising in all your life?

These two women at the airport were the same people. They had a load of tramp little twat kids running around everywhere. Such dickheads.

Also in the queue at the airport; This guy wearing a shirt with a whale jumping into a sunset. Isn't that a thing of beauty? I'm sure he wasn't wearing it to be ironic. That was really him.

Turkey was a load of fun all in all, the locals really made it a fun stay. Shouts to Baz, Uncle John, Sexy Chef, Sexy Pepsi, Bobby bullshit aka Liar Liar Bob is on Fire aka Licky Licky Lollypop, Pussy Psycho, Engin and all of the Burracuda Brothers, Uncle Bruce, Umit the Big Baby, Knob Goblin and his beautiful boyfriends, Adam and Hogan. CHEEKY DEEEECE

TURKEY PART 2

Alright, alright, part two! On our third day we went out on a boat trip for the day to go scuba diving! Dan had been before, but me and Tom had never been. It was really good fun, I kept trying to make Dan and Tom laugh so their breathing fucked up haha.

aquatic mandem 2013 now

These melons had been banging the roids

It was so hot!

I found this up on the wall in a bar haha it really made me laugh. THE BEST CUSTUMER is a guy who is swearing haha. These two men are far too old to be doing this shit in photos.

fridge game was healthy for the week. booze and sandwich making stuff.

The indian lads in the clubs were so funny, going round in a circle hitting on any and every girl. Tom was doing his best to get involved and see what was going on.

*2 CHAINS VOICE* TWOOOOO HAAAAATS

'SamDan Restaurant cafe bar'

This made me laugh, as soon as this guy walked past him he stopped and got his camera out to get a photo of the hench black guy. He was a fucking tank.

We went to this authentic Turkish place on evening. Shish kebab wraps for starters all round. I had a chicken one and Dan and Tom had a kofte one. They came with a little portion of chips and some of this nice tomato sauce.

Those two had the mixed platter, while I had a kind of meatball in tomato sauce with some rice and this thin pizza kind of thing they have on their plate. It was insanely good. For about 3 months now I've thought that Turkish food is my favourite food and this dinner cemented that. It was insane.

My meatballs in tomato sauce dish.

The next day we went on a jeep safari. The day starts when 10 open-top jeeps all meet up, each with about 10 people in and drive into the mountains. Then they handed out waterguns and we had a massive water fight with the other cars as we drove through these dirt tracks in the mountains, it was so fun. I kept pumping kids in their faces and fucking them up. Parents couldn't do shit, I was invincible.

The guy who was driving is around for the day was so funny. He kept calling Tom 'Al Pacino' (we are guessing because of a hat Tom was wearing) and kept shouting and singing all day. He was a proper character. When all the jeeps stopped off for some refreshments and to stretch our legs he turned his radio up loud, jumped out onto him jeep's bonnet and gave everyone a dance. Look at his amazing moves.

The next part of the day was when all the Jeeps drove higher into the mountains and to these waterfalls. We were diving in, it was very cold because it was so shaded over!

The last part of the day was at this 'Jesus beach', some beach with an enbankment that goes about 400 metres out to sea, so you can walk on water (like jesus.) Hogan our driver had meanwhile taken a shine to this Belorussian woman who was driving with us and was holding her hand and telling her he loved her. That was when he wasn't bragging about the size of his 'anaconda' to her. What a genuis.

Out of all the weird Turkish blokes we met, he might just have been the best.

I'll write and post part 3 tomorrow! Thanks for stopping by!

NEW PODCAST: GOTH GIRLS AND THIGH BONES

Back after a week off discussing a whole bunch of shit, from North West, the Sugababes old and new, the whistleblower, a funny 999 call in Solihull, coffins and skeletons, Chyna the wrestler, A mishap in a Chinese car park and viagra. Enjoy!

TURKEY PART 1

YOOOOOOO MAN WENT TURKEY FOR A HOT MINUTE LAST WEEK. HERE IS THE FIRST INSTALMENT OF WICKEDLAND IN A MUSLIM COUNTRY

I wanna always type in captials. I think everybody hates those people, but it must be the best feeling. Sean Paul was at the airport trying to put together a boots meal deal.

Why do old blokes do this to themselves? I see it on planes everywhere. They go away for something like a stag party and try and dress like the younger lads they're with. This guy had stupid pin rolls sleeves and a weird comb over. It's not Rockafellas and you're not 18. Behave please

Sunglasses at night shit. Even that man/woman/alien behind her is like whaaaaaat

Actual sunglasses at night. Big up dogs forever.

The McDonalds there had mental things. Double McChicken sandwiches, Mega Macs. Wowzers

I don't know what you'll be able to make out but they had spicy chicken burgers, Kofte pittas, everything.

HOT EURO FASHION

Drunken tourists lined the streets. (Welsh rugby shirt)

The next day we hit the beach to catch a few rays. A few Winstons KED

Mandatory first person legs shot. These are popular on snapchat aren't they?

RACKS ON RACKS ON RACKSSSS

a wall of delicious chocolate spreads. they had some that were swirled in the jar chocolate spread and peanut butter, like a snickers bar. piss off

We went out on the second night there. We were drinking some weird cocktails and throwing peanuts in each others mouths.

Imagine what it is like being him

This was outside some RnB club. Try and name all the people on it @TwistedPennys

White people were inside said RnB club wearing du-rags.

Cats were outside said RnB club giving me evils.

I think between us on this holiday we would have easily done 10,000 keepy-uppies. We bought a ball on day one and came with us everywhere. It was called Black Ice.

Here is Dan being Black Ice. Feel Tom seething jealousy that he is not Black Ice.

I took my hungover self down the beach front and found this place that did gourmet burgers. I had a Mexican steak and cheese burger and it fucking blew me away. I whatsapp'd 4 people back home pictures of it, it was seriously one of the best things I've ever ate.

I went back later in the week to double check it wasn't just my drunk mind talking shit but it genuinely was every bite as good as I remembered. It was insane. An 18oz burger and chips was 17tl (Just over £5)

Deece bant on the beach

There were so many wicked things like this everywhere. Shit I love.

Couple goons posted up in the shade just shotting bricks off the iphone. Why have a sofa in your house when you can have it outside your house? Chill

That's it for the first couple days of our trip, I'll be back with more EUROLOLZ soon!