LONDON BOOZING, THE CREWS IN AND SLEWS IN HERE

Yooooo I was down in London again over the weekend, here are some bits. Open a big can of pips, pip it out and get into it.

This guy made me laugh, his whole stance was like he was sticking that pole into the ground, like a flag pole or whatever. Iron Flag album cover style.

In the underpass on the way to Ollys there are some amazing weird little paintings. Look at the minor about to get raped, with the guy lurking around the corner. What is that about? Who would paint that in a fucking underpass of all places? haha

These little lift correctly stickers had a well funny little sign. Don't lift heavy stuff incorrectly because you'll have lightning bolts of pain coming out of your arse.

Teeps on tubes vol.1

I was down in London to see Dilated Peoples. Their show was fucking insane, I'm hard pressed to think of a better hip hop show I've seen. They performed so well of each other, used the crowd, performed songs old and new and really seemed to be enjoying themselves. I was thinking about it, and I think they have the perfect balance of overground/underground so that the crowd was full of people who really liked them, but they've got songs that everyone knows. The place was jumping.

This guys hat said 'master of pleasure.' That's a grand statement isn't it? The word master had a crown on it as well. I wonder if he is and he is just the very best. I will never know.

I love those foreign yats in London who just have dumb money. Designer everything, massive, bait logos on all their shit. Not these two in particular but I think these are the hottest girls, you know when you get on a tube and their is just a persian babes sat opposite you thinking about how many gold bars she is going to give to her servants for Christmas.

I don't get what this sign means, do any of you? I don't know if you can see but it is just blocked out lines, no type or whatever. It didn't say anything, surely it serves a purpose.

The maddest coincidence happened. We left the show, went back to Ollys and left straight out to get food. Next thing we see Evidence from Dilated just chilling, literally around the corner from Ollys yard. The show was in Islington and Olly lives in Elephant and Castle, literally miles away. It was mad. He recognised us from the show cos we were right at the front and we got a picture with him. I was so starstruck, I really look up to Evidence, for years he has been one of my favourite rappers and Expansion Team has played as bigger part in my life as any other hip hop album. I didn't know what to say to him, he is such an inspiration. 

Youngers on the block. We went this pure fucked way to the food shop. Olly took us down some back way and there were these weird Mongolian looking blokes, both about 30 years old and both dressed as jesters really retching, like on the verge of being sick. As we watched by they carried on, but turned to face us. It was fucked.

More genius shit from the underpass

The next day I linked Jamie.I spotted this, some kebab place with 9 guys working behind the counter. That's a bit much isn't it? We were joking saying that they've got a specialist for each ingredient. One guys job is strictly to do tomatoes haha

We met up with Mills, Catherine, Lizzy and Jamies cousin Keiran as the day went on and we all buggered off to the Turkish place. It was lovely, between watching the football in some boozer that served shit food I had starved myself all day and I was really looking forward to it. We smashed it, it was delicious.

Catherine and Lizzy are regular readers of WickedLand and last time they featured in my life I referred to them on here simply as 'Jamies friends.' They really told me off for this, as if they were not important enough to be presented as separate entities and I felt like such a dick. So here they are, enjoy their little caucasian London inhibiting faces in all their glory; Lizzy and Catherine.

We had shots with the bloke from the Dalston social, this is a weird one off thing that happens far too often in my life.

I had a bunch of these kind of pictures on my phone the next day. Ciroc boys x Cocaine castles

This is the sort of shit I have to put up with when I go out round where Jamie lives. I can't take the trendiness of it all, everyone is so try-hardy. The worst thing about these kind of people are that the whole aura of their being is to come across as if they're not trying, and that they are just naturally that way. They just dress like that, speak like that, that's just naturally who they are. That is normal to them. I can't take it.

I was so so hungry after we finished boozing. Jamie went to the shop to get fags and I saw this neon light from up the road. I walked about 300 metres down to it only to find it was closed. The door was locked. I spoke to the bloke through the letterbox and asked him when the fuck the lights were still on. He had no answer.

The next day was a bit of a struggle. This bloke on the bus was proper knackered and that.

We went to Brick Lane aka Beg Lane aka Instagram Lane for some food. We saw some mentals.

Dogs in bomber jackets, is that Instagram?

There was this one show show indian guy cooking in a chicken shop wearing some Versace eye decoration, looking too skenged out. I've never seen another guy from a chicken shop wearing that shit before, how sick.

That's that for now. It's called Wickedlanding mate, you might wanna try it.

NARNAS IN SITUATIONS

YOYOYOYOYOYO What's going on, I couldn't get the team together this week so I've decided to start getting into some of the stuff I've been sat on. I was in London this weekend, here are some bits I didn't get around to posting before I went.

The main thing that is annoying me currently is absent minded people. I eat shit, I either oversleep or under sleep drastically, but I'll always do my best to function in an intelligent manner so is not to annoy the other humans who use the earth besides me. I can't take people on the self service checkout scanning all their shopping, paying and then bagging it up. How could you possibly be so fucking stupid? I can't take it. It happens so often and it's so so easily avoidable. 

My boss has this thing on the air con vent facing into the back of his car that looks really like an oreo. Any time I'm in the back of his car I stare at this fucker like he is staring back at me.

The new filter I am using to put on these pictures really sucks the life out of food. I need to do something. Either way, I made some fucking money rice the other day. Green chillies and white onions are my shit at the minute.

This is ridiculous isn't it? It's fucking freezing at the minute and this prick is driving around with the top down. It had just started raining too but they were still styling it out like Mekhi Phifer in Paid in Full.

The internet is the very best isn't it? I was watching a Aziz Ansuri stand up the other day and he was doing a bit where he was pretending to be a teenager talking to him mum, remarking on the internet. He said 'are you kidding? All the music ever made is free right now' and it's literally that isn't it. In terms of the internets life span we are at a great point. This brings me round to me watching 3 football games at once. Portugal Vs Sweden, England Vs Germany and France Vs Ukraine. All streamed online. The beauty of the internet.

On the very same part of the same street where that car rolled by with the top down I saw two chinese girls with an umbrella up when it hadn't rained or threatened to all day. Why do chinese girls love umbrellas? Is it just a fashion thing adapted from the geishas?

Then I saw some girls at a cashpoint in town later that week when it was absolutely chucking it down both dressed like fucking dalmatians. Who is wearing a hooded onesie out and coming into the city centre?

A miiiiiinute ago Natalie made this showerfaced chicken, bacon and leek pie and served it with some serious sunday roast type shit. It was delicious. I look at this picture and want it again.

THAT'S TIME!!!! WXCKXD LXND

TREATS FROM BILLY IN AFGHANISTAN

Billy is out on tour in Afghanistan at the minute and sent me these treats over the other day. He was been spreading the good word and he said 'they love WickedLand' hahaha

NEW PODCAST: 038 - DISRUPTIVE MAX

Hello internet, back with a full team talking about James Arthurs teeth and tattoos, the lowering of the legal age of consent, a statue in America, a bet in Uganda and Steven Seagal jamming with dogs in Romania. All this week on the podcast!

WALLIES AND WONDERFUL BITS AND BOBS

I found out today that TED talks are available as podcasts to download. Naturally I've subscribed and I'm so so happy about this. I know they are a big thing but for anyone who doesn't know TED are a company that do conferences and talks under the slogan 'Ideas Worth Sharing'. They have a strong presence on social media and I've not seen one talk that's not been though provoking. The knowledge that they're available as podcasts so I don't have to sit in front of youtube to drink in their product is amazing news.

I saw a woman sat outside the Asda in Oadby wearing a wicker sun hat. It was like a bowl, something that a ninja would wear. Who is that goon from Mortal Combat? That kind of shit. 

Birdmans doing bits in town again. What is his life? Like I know we all know him but what does he do? Why does he do what he does? Does he have a home? Why isn't someone looking after him? Does he need looking after? I need answers to all of the above. I can't understand it all. Is it as simple as I have my routine and he has his and I should just mind my business? Is his routine bumbling about the city centre with a coffee?

Straight out of the super deli fashion word. Look at those thick, glossy black curtains, woolen vest and scarf combo with the dress shoes and jeans and the unnecessary sunglasses. Young asian men are my absolute favourite people in the world. I need to go to India while I still love these people so much and see just how mental it gets first hand. I wanna see 6 men riding around on a moped, with their expressionless faces zipping by under mops of windswept hair. 

I don't know, this is just pure wickedlanding. When I see a 20 stone bloke in a bucket hat, a ghostbusters t-shirt and a plaid hoody buying beer and a pudsy bear I have a realisation that life is still worth living. This is the sort of shit that would make the Wickedland annual at the end of the year.

Pez are fun aren't they? Aaron brought a loud of american sweets over to Dans on sunday and we had some. These grape Pez tasted like the smell of party bags. Do you know what I mean? Like a clinical rubber kind of taste/smell. I like that taste.

I really like those Onken yoghurt pots and at the minute I'm going crazy for soup on my lunches so I went to asda and stocked up on fucking loads of both. It's like I'm on some liquids only diet. All week I've been joking around with Tom saying that I'm just bored to death of chewing, it's such effort. I only want to consume slop from now on. Wether it is fruit slop or vegetable slop I do not mind, but please; only food I can pour straight into my stomach.

Can you let everyone else be the judge of that please? Life would be so easy if you could be your own critic.

YOOOOOO THAT FROG ON XFACTOR IS DOING A MADNESS WITH HER FACES ON THIS SERIES. IVE NOT BEEN WATCHING BUT ROSE TEXT ME THIS THE OTHER NIGHT AND IT MADE ME LAUUUUGH. LOOK AT THIS FROM BASKETBALL HEAD IDIOT

No ratings for any drippy tumblr girl going and paying £58 for these like as if they actually want them because they are on a couple blogs or whatever. Dumb dickheads with no personality. Either rate something from day or never buy into it, please. Why are Reebok classics on sale in Office? Is this real? The whole 90's renaissance thing that's going on with all these cunts right now needs to stop. Stop ruining culture people actually love and develop a personality of your own. 

I put the pips into making dinner last night, this picture really doesn't do it justice. Everything on my plate was from the market, so I'm going to go as far as to call it 'locally sourced'. It wass fucking brilliant, I really enjoyed eating it all. Steak is great.

That's your lot! Get back to being alive in the world! WCKD LNDRS

NEW PODCAST: A REAL KNOBCAST

Back with Bradley and Frank this week talking about Miley Cyrus smoking a zoot at the EMAs, that guy who sued his wife for birthing ugly children, Justin Beiber, art in Russia and a bloke who broke his knob whilst porking his fat wife. All this week on the WickedLand podcast!
 

SIGN-PAINTING IN LOUGHBOROUGH

I spent some time last weekend working on a sign painting commission for the Loughborough branch of Revolution. I've never done anything like this before, I was happy with how it went for a first attempt.