MARKET STREET MELTDOWNS VOL 1

YO WHAT UP WHAT UP WE BACK WE BACK. BACK TO BIDNIZ WITH THE BLOG GAME PHIL COLLINS, LETS GO

Woowwwwww the most notable thing in the new series of the apprentice is the shape of this contestants head. madness. That's not photoshop. There are no special effects here. No smoke and mirrors, that's really all her.

I swear I step into this tesco and my life is constantly having the piss taken out of it. Rules go out the window when I enter. All mad stuff can happen. After she paid she mounted the bike and like skipped out of the store, push the bike along with her tip toes. Piss off

More flapjack stuff. This time I took the flapjacks out and pushed the maltesers in while they were still warm. (It's just become clear why someone wrote 'malteser' in the comments box, it's because I was spelling it wrong through out my entire flapjack post.)

These were like crack. They were so good. I'm gonna buy cinnamon sugar next and make cinnamon flapjacks. Imagine how amazing they will taste please.

Remember that day last week when the wind just went completely mental? It blew all these leaves off. IS that notable given it's autumn now? I don't know. But there was a thick, steady row of leaves that was about 100 metres long, all from one day. Imagine a whole tree full of leaves is like a royal rumble and the last leave on the tree is the winner, it makes nature more fun.

Meanwhile some bloke was just sick in the middle of the day on Market street. Just on the floor as if it was normal. Didn't get to a bin, or a gutter, or even a fucking toilet, he just let it all out then and there.

These lot are taking the piss out of my soul recently. A lot of mental things happening on Market street come to think of it. These lot continually hose it down, like blast the pavement with water. Why? I literally have no idea. I have to walk through this shit and end up drenched. Can you just not please?

The best I come up with is 'Dog The Bounty Luncher', can you do better?

It's been a drab week weather wise. I've finally admitted defeat for the year. It's over isn't it. That's it, it's gone. If ever anyone wanted to know how grey and ugly our country is you could show them this photo. What a dark, grim place.

It was the GET 3 premier last week! I literally couldn't believe the turn out, what an amazing brand Callun has created with an ever growing loyal following. It was an amazing evening, everyone had a great time.

Eric really likes Teeps

Also Eric really liked giving these little kids Whiskey. Fair play to them, they gave it a real good glug and held it better than I would have done at their age. Of the three this little ginger one was my favourite, he was really up for drinking the whiskey and was smiling at the idea through out hahaha.

JLS new album out soon

Still about, still putting in work. His dreadlocks are almost admirable now.

Wiley sports a top that says 'WICKED' on the collar in the new 'On A Level' video. Nice to know I'm as much of an influence to him and he is to me.

Some religious DVDs in Peri Peri next to where the flyers are.

TITLES INCLUDE:

WAS CHRIST CERTIFIED

RELIGION IN THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE

PRESS DEBATE (simple)

IS THE QUR'AN GOD'S WORD?

(And my personal favourite) IF THE LABEL SHOWS YOUR IDENTITY, WEAR IT

Message me if you wanna come round my yard and have a marathon with them. Until then thanks for popping by, see you again soon.

'HE USED ME FOR SEX'

My thought for the day is about when girls say guys are 'just using them for sex' and the very notion that sex isn't a mutual act. I hate the way a lot of girls will almost try to use sex like a bargaining chip and put it across as if it is theirs to give. A treat they can lay on if they feel like it. I notice plenty of girls banding this phrase around 'he used me for sex' more and more these days as if we don't live in a time and culture where initiating sex is almost, if not completely mutual. I personally know plenty of girls who are happy to take the lead role in casual sexual relationships. I have plenty of female friends who don't hide this. It's nothing new or wild these days.

How can someone use you for sex? Like as if you are doing them a favour. Throwing them a bone. Like as if the female isn't enjoying the sex too. The only explanation is that it's a desperate last grasp at trying to reason why a guy didn't want to commit to you. Settling the matter in your head. He was using you for sex. Of course he was, because at the time you were hating it. In an age where sexual equality and the liberation of women as sexual beings is rammed down our throats daily it's a bit rich when certain girls will act as if it's still the 1920s and a mean man used trickery and deception to get them to drop their knickers.

RESTAURANT REVIEW: STEAKOUT MEAT HOUSE

There is a new steakhouse that has opened up in the city centre that at a glance looks really good. With a prime location on Granby street it's in an area that's always had delicious food so I had high expectations. Me and a few of the guys went to check it out.

NAME: STEAKOUT MEAT HOUSE

LOCATION: 14 GRANBY STREET, LEICESTER, LE1 1DE

PRICE: It's part of a chain with 5 other branches in the UK with a similar 'walk in' only model to Nandos, and it kind of falls in line with those kind of prices you'd expect. Steaks obviously cost a little more (I paid £16.95 for a 12oz sterloin and a side) but it was largely pretty reasonable. They had a range of steak burgers that were all about £7 and then obviously sides were separate. Steaks ranged from £13.95 for an 8oz rump to £29.95 for a 12oz rib eye.

The sides were all over the place in terms of price though, you would never believe it was a chain. It was almost frustrating trying to work out what you wanted because there was no logic at all. The mixed grill was hidden in the appetizers menu at £11.95, onion rings were £2.95 while mozzarella sticks were £3.95. Soup however was £5.95. It literally made no sense. in terms of affordability it was literally exactly what we expected, nothing notable. 5/10

ATMOSPHERE: Some screaming little twat child did his best to ruin the ambiance but that being said it was fine. Imagine being in Nandos, except the staff who work there are playing Beyonce's greatest hits album (at a notably low bitrate) out into the restaurant. This was punctuated by spells of the music being turned off, and the click of an ipod wheel going out over the speakers. There isn't ever really an atmosphere in these chain places is there? 4/10

The burgers were nothing to write home about given that this is a meat house

DECOR: We got sat in a booth right by the front door so I didn't really get to have a nose about and a good look. Thinking back I should have just gone to the toilets or something. From what I saw it was very nice, it's all very modern and clean, especially the front of the restaurant. There was an odd wall with about 100 little cow ornaments on these little metal shelves. In short they looked shit. Also, they had tried to do the whole bric-a-brac odd chairs thing, but it didn't really come over as all the chairs were new, even if they were odd. My chair was really uncomfortable. 5/10

FOOD: The food really left something to be desired for me, it was so so average. Nothing had any real personality. The sides were poor and unfulfilling, I'd go as far as to say they served us the worst onion rings I've ever had. These awkward breaded pieces of shit that kept snapping, served with vinegar (?) The chips were just anything and the salads were undesirable. The coleslaw was just a thick glob of mayo that I didn't even bother touching. Their 'veg' from their side menu was a routine carrots and peas, no danger of getting any delicious med veg here. The actual steak itself was really delicious, I must say. I really enjoyed it, it was cooked and seasoned to near perfection, but the gloopy lukewarm pepper sauce they served with it did it's best to ruin it for me. The presentation was on point but that was about it. Also they don't serve alcohol at all and all soft drinks are 250ml bottles, no refills here. Also no deserts menu. 4/10

SERVICE: The service was the one redeeming factor. I'm guessing given that they've not long opened they haven't grew sick of their jobs yet and the guy who was taking our order was pretty safe, we had a good laugh with him. There was one annoying loud dickhead floating about who used to work in Soar Point, but aside from him and his very presence being annoying they were pretty on point. All up until our food come out and they had all a load of the sides muddled up. And they decided to just rename everything for a laugh as it got served so we had to kind of guess and work out what belonged to who. 5/10 

CONCLUSION: Between 5 of us our bill came to £75 and we were all far from impressed. Like I said, the actual steak itself was really nice, but I'd expect it to be at £18 for the steak alone. It was a really unfulfilling experience, and even if me and the guys had of gone somewhere else like the Frankie and Benny's in the highcross I'm sure we would have had a better time and a better meal for our money. I don't even particularly like F&B's but if you put this place in that sort of price range and category with those kind of places it's really going to struggle if they continue to trade at the standard we met on Sunday. I was completely underwhelmed and unsatisfied and I won't be going back any time soon.

FINAL MARK: 23/50

I MADE FLAPJACKS

Yooooo so I made flapjacks. I'm gonna get real fucking good at baking these fuckers.

I had oats, demerara sugar, golden syrup, butter and malteasers. This whole lot came up to just less than £7.

I never knew they were so easy to make. Here is me melting the butter, sugar and golden syrup together.

I put the malteasers in a bowl because I figured that looks like the right thing to do innit.

Added the ooooats

I emptied them out into a tray and flattened them out. This was where I made my mistake. I put the malteasers in. They were all lovely and starting to melt a little. Apparently exposed chocolate just burns so I guess I'll have to add these when they come out next time.

Then, like a prick I turned the oven up. I was too excited and didn't think that the low heat would be right for whatever reason. The malteasers looked like raisins. It looks fucked here but it wasn't that bad, literally just the very top burnt.

My mate told me as soon as they come out to separate them and that would help them cool and set. They were fucking charred.

Obviously flipped them over so they looked alright. They were actually fine you know, Only a few tasted burnt. I can't wait to make another batch, put the malteasers in at the end and NOT turn the heat up because i'm too excited.

My first ever go, they were really nice. I obviously added more sugar and golden syrup than the recipe said. £7 made 24 massive flapjacks, I was pretty happy with that.

BY NIGHT

Jesus it's been a while since I posted like this. We are going waaaay back here. What's up we all good? Let's get into what's been going on recently.

It's funny how certain physical things have connotations attached to them. Peep old boy wearing that backwards fitted hat. All I can think of is frat parties hahaha

I saw Skepta do an extremely quick PA at Level One, the DMU SU. He killed it, he did That's Not Me again and it was going off. He looks so comfortable with it now.

The following night I went to a wicked house party at Biddles house. Most of the people who i went to Outlook with were there so it was nice to see them all.

The Penis Wall was tremendous. Just take a second to appreciate the variety here! All shapes and sizes haha it reminded me of Superbad.

Later a few of us went to see Lethal Bizzle at the O2. One of the worst things in life is when you go to drink a shot of sambuca and it's actually tequila. I'm so crap with tequila.

It was rammed out and Bizzle was getting sing alongs all night. I was thinking about how all these 13/14 year olds who used to have a couple of grime songs on their phones are now all 18/19 and have turned into the people who buy tickets and merch and stuff. It's cool, it means the profiles of people like Biz, Wiley, Skepta, JME and so on are only gonna get bigger.

'Fudge Temptations.' I wont lie it was tempting but probably just a bit too niche.

I repped the UOL bar crawl with Bradley and the guys from work. The Beaumont and Digby block 6 skets were out in fine fashion, phone numbers on the back of their shirts.

Couple man had already slopped it by the time they got to the club lol

Big up man like Zak yeah. Zak. I was hosting at Beastwang Friday night and my man drops the quick W at the front haha. Says he is a long time Wickedland reader and even listens to the podcasts so shout to him, big man Wickedlander.

The Undertaker on Narborough road just browsing for something semi detatched in the West Leicester area.

Me and Brad went to watch Zane Lowe close the UOL Freshers festivities. This guy was here wearing this T shirt. Reminded me of that photo of a girl parading her boyfriend around the supermarket with a Tshirt saying that he cheated and he had to wear the Tshirt as punishment. Look at this shit.

Look in his eyes. Focus, turn your music off or whatever and just focus in his eyes. You can clearly see that this T shirt wasn't his idea. He doesn't want it. 'His girls' seem far happier about being in the photo than he is. Poor bloke.

The Yellow Bastard from Slug and Lettuce and previously of Sin City fame is a weird one isn't he. I see him bopping around near my house sometimes, always looking unnatural. Here he is in the freezing rain just wearing a vest. Why not? What message is he looking to send out here? If there are any 90s boybands in the area looking for stunt doubles for music videos, probably just DM him or Whatsapp him or something.

Look at that. A calendar simply called 'black'. Hahaha black and white photos of handsome black models. Now imagine the sort of scene when someone buys that. I don't think that's ever a calendar that the buyer wouldn't feel weird about buying. I wonder how it sells. That's got to be awkward hasn't it haha.

Is that where we are then? Is that where we've reached? Twerk or Treat? Wicked. Cheers for that.

Look at this prick thinking he is a rockstar in the Apple shop. Leave that on the phone for someone to find.

That's all I've gathered for you! Hope you lot enjoyed your instalment, I'll have some new bits up soon! Keep wickedlanding