SELF SERVICE IDIOTS

Yooooooooooo all Wickedlanders sorry it's been so long since I've done one of these posts! I just had a look and it's literally been since I went to Birmingham with Tom let's get stuck into some stuff then.

They've got a little outside bit at the Market Street McDonalds now. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. Part of me likes it because I like sitting outside an eating. Another part of me is thinking that eating McDonalds can, a lot of the time feel fucking shameful. So you don't want to be on display like a fucking farm animal just gobbling all the food. Make up your own minds but I don't think I'll be there.

This is pissing me off at the minute. You know the little fucking troll they send out into the queue at McDonalds to tell you where to stand? How is it every single time they tell you which queue to filter into you always end up getting served after people who were in front of you? They'd rather have one little weird woman out in the queue than have an extra till and service point open. It doesn't make any fucking sense at all.

Is it just me or is this super super irresponsible packaging? Like I'm sure if little kids ingested this it would fuck them up. Why would they make it look as much like a bottle of ketchup as possible? That seems so mental. Just make it look like cat repellent surely.

Bought my mum some cool chocolates for Mothers Day and there was one in the box called a 'Diplomat' hahahaha. That's kind of sick isn't it? DIPSET DIPSET DIPSET

Have you ever seen this? Not in nearly 10 years of peeling the little monopoly labels have I ever seen the 'GO TO JAIL' one. What the fuck does that even mean? That's shit. Just give me some free shit. I swear you never fucking win these days either. I remember the good old days when you used to get non stop free shit.

I didn't really get a good photo of this. Basically there was one girl with a pinhole projector looking through it looking at the eclipse and a group of like 10 other young people from the same office block all on their break just not bothered. It seems so odd that literally nobody gave a fuck, I kind of felt bad for her.

Last Friday was the Dont Flop x Beastwang event at The Music Cafe. Teeps standardly bodied his battle, wait until you see the video, it was sick.

BLG went through and did their set. It was cool because it was so rammed. they were on just before The Four Owls so the crowd was really up for it. It was nice to hear some of the songs from the BLGenius LP.

ITS MY BOY FROM MY FUCKING DRAWING

I had G Tek over the other day. I'm working on some new grime music putting an EP together. This guy gasses me so so much. It's not a fucking German Whip Meridian Dan kind of grime thing when he is inside. It's like Terminator or Crazy T or something. So so sick. Imagine recording new G Tek verses and trying not to shout and make noise. It's hard.

jesus right here we go, let's get angry. I got stuck behind these two fucking drips at the self service checkout at my local Tesco. The woman was buying multiple little Lindt chocolate bunnies. The ones that weigh next to nothing. Anyone who has observed how these fucking self service checkouts work has noticed that you've got 2 problems on your hands here. Not only do they weigh nothing, the barcodes are all crushed in and folded into the foil. Just a fucking awkward dumb item to even think about taking a load of to the self service checkout in the first place.

So she starts off doing the usual annoying shit these idiots do when they know they've fucked up. Answering the machine back like 'I have!!' when the machine tells you to place the item in the bagging area. Fully aware of the growing audience. The boyfriend was aware of the ever growing queue and started flapping about and pressing stuff on screen causing further problems. I looked around and there were now 3 people behind me in the queue for the self service checkout. At this point the other 2 people queuing up to be served regularly had already been served. I cut my loses and moved over.

So now I eventually get to the front of the queue. The woman who was working behind the counter was back and forth between her till and the self service checkout constantly trying to correct the mistakes this dumb fucking couple were making. So not only was she hogging the self service check out, she was requiring a member of staffs help. The only member of staff currently working. Can you comprehend being that selfish and unaware of your surroundings? Imposing your own thickness on everyone else? I think that's the thing with idiots. They aren't aware they're fucking idiots so these things don't even occur to them. I've so many questions for these cunts. Why did they go to the self service checkout in the first place if they didn't know how to use it? What were they thinking, it would just be fun and wasting everyones time in the building literally doesn't matter? I couldn't believe it.

There seriously needs to be some sort of license or user permit put in place with this shit because people get dazzled by it and fuck up using it when it really is the most basic basic thing to use. These aren't fucking new anymore! They've been around a looooong time and if you think it's ok to approach it with a pile of those little Lindt chocolate bunnies and just fuck around, press buttons, put stuff down wherever you want and use up the time and assistance of the one available worker I really don't even know what kind of cunt you are.

I don't go around flying planes because I'm ok admitting to myself that I don't know how to do that. So when it comes to me needing to get to another country I leave that to someone who knows how to operate that piece of equipment.

I'm angry again now. That was days ago and I was over it and reliving it took me right back there. I hope you're happy.

WICKEDLAND

KFC BURRITO REVIEW

Me and Rose quickly just dipped into KFC to try their new burritos. There are three to try, an original recipe one, a zinger one and a pulled chicken one. Check it out

NEW PODCAST: 075 - KANYE RICHARD III

Myself, Frank and Bradley tackle Kanye at Glasto, King Richard III passing through, the eclipse, Dr. Fox being found guilty and a few other funny stories.

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

Post by Wicked-land Blog.

LOVELY LITTLE SIT DOWN

NEW PODCAST: 074 - CLARKSON, CLARKSOFF

I'm back with Frank and Brad discussing Clarkson, Pharrell and Robin Thicke vs the Gaye family, piracy, a diet coke and mentos enema, selfies, paleontology and some other stuff.

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

Post by Wicked-land Blog.

NEW PODCAST: 073 - ENGLAND NONCE BINGO

Max joins me this week to discuss #TheDress, Adam Johnson, revenge porn, Pimp My Ride, IKEA, A woman with an internet lover and some bloke bloke who lost his nose. Enjoy it!

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

Post by Wicked-land Blog.

LOOKING AT SOME PEOPLE AND THAT IN BIRMINGHAM

Just had to hit you with a quick mid week Wickedland, like a fucking Beyonce album or a Drake mixtape. BAM right up on you just like that.

I like stuff like this, as shit as it is. My actual face turns into the sarcastic black moon emoji face haha

It's that time of fucking year again. The fucking sun bouncing off a window outside my office window and going right into my eyes. The sun is fucked isn't it. It's so bright.

Crap. So crap.

RELAX MATE, JUST MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE AND WE WILL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE

This is pretty sick, using a super strong magnet they've got this levitating shoe display in the shop window at Wellgosh. So into this haha

I love seeing stereotypes play out in reality before my eyes. It's like you don't want to take the piss out of Chinese people for being pure into technology but then you see some shit like this and you don't really have much of a choice.

Packed fucking trains. Packed motorways. It's so rank being alive sometimes. There are so many people around these days. They should have let Ebola really fucking take off. We are due a cull of sorts and that would have been perfect.

I went to Birmingham with Tom. We saw this amazing unit. He had his mirror sunglasses on while just mooching around the Bullring. He had a massive duffle back, he was fucking tonk and about 6'7 dressed in all black haha. He was fucking sick, like a drawing or something.

Wheeeeey boshing a quick Five Guys. Fuck man, aren't cheese burgers the best thing? I can't imagine living a life where I stopped myself eating meat, it's just too too delicious. We had a great little spot on the balcony just watching people mooch by. The sun was out, it was great.

She waltzed through the middle of Birmingham wearing her I heart London hoodie. She is lucky she didn't get fucking jumped.

How is there a whole shop for Skechers shoes? Seriously? How are they selling enough Skechers to keep this shop open? I'm genuinely gobsmacked by this. I didn't even think to look to see if anyone was in the shop. Is this wanker Tumblr girl shit I don't know about? Do those cunts wear this shit? I need answers.

A close up of a little pigeon enjoying the sun. I was enjoying a lovely doughnut having a little look at this bloke.

Do you ever go to the pub and think instead of going with your mates you'll just go with your cabbage? This bloke was so fucked and tragic. His long bedraggled grey hair framed his little crap face, his pigeon chest was dressed in a cycle jersey and he was kind of doing weird shit to try and get peoples attention. He played his trump card in getting the cabbage out, walked round the bar to get served and then when staff tried to get rid of the cabbage he went back over and grabbed it off them. It was so weird.

I often think of myself at this sort of age and I envision someone who gets to watch loooooads of football, eat a little less shit and try and force music I like on my kids. I was transfixed staring at this guy just thinking I love greens and cycling. Who knows.

'A heatwave is coming' they said. '19 degrees' they said.

Look, I don't want a fucking quiz when I get to the bin ok? I just want to get to bin stuff as soon as possible. These mini recycling bins really don't work in that sort of environment.

PEOPLE STANDING IN DOORWAYS VOL. 6

The sign on a bit of cut out chip shop paper reads 'PLEASE DONT ASK FOR CREDIT OR DISCOUNT THANK YOU' haha it really made me laugh. You can take your eye off the ball and forget how trampy some of the people of Braunstone are. Imagine going to the chip shop and asking for chips on tick hahaha fuck me.

And that's your stuff. Cheers for popping by and enjoy the rest of your week!

WICKEEEEEDLAAAAAAAAAAND

DEAD FOOD PEOPLE HAVE POSTED

So for months and months any time me or Olly Gwop see some dead food on the internet we've back sending it to each other. Our whatsapp media has built up this album.

Some of these are from strangers, some of them are from people we know and some of them are from good friends. But regardless of who made it, these are all photos of dead food that have been deemed post-worthy by the chefs. Apologies if you made the cut!