Remember the other week when I named and shamed Scott Mills? I was running the whole Radio 1 gang. How did this cunt slip my mind? When you think about it he makes Mills seem pretty likeable and normal he's that much of an arsehole. The shame of the matter is he falls victim to the same downfall; The way Radio 1 presenters think the mindless masses tune into their station to listen to them be them rather than just easy access to the top 40.
He's just a knob isn't he. Like a man about town that you know way to much about considering you two aren't actually friends. You know the sort. Big faces in Orange Tree even though you don't really ever go there. I shouldn't know his nickname is Grimmy. I shouldn't know about the Nixtape, but I do. He's been around for too long, and he's been doing my head in for forever, with his floppy hair, really perfecting the annoyingly vibrant T4 style of presenting where you can't stand still and go off script all the time. I want Peter Sissons and Trevor McDonald to present T4, I don't think that's too much to ask.
Yooo this weekend I put out the second video for a tune off of my new EP. I had to get the babygirl out for the video and whip her around a bit. Enjoy it!
This is something that I've been harbouring for a little while now. Specifically ever since Netflix launched the third series of Orange Is The New Black. The Buzzfeed generation lost their minds over the casting of Ruby Rose, the short haired tattoo'd model, and almost overnight her face was everywhere.
Now, it's like her hype has come and gone, and although my social media feeds are not cluttered with desperately basic, beggy girls talking about how she has turned them into a lesbian I still feel hollow inside. People still pay mind to the soldiers lost in the world wars, so I'm ok to cling onto this and feel something over it, right? Nobody gave a fuck about her when she was just another cover model of Maxim and FHM. She was anything. All of a sudden she gets a little quiffed haircut and the Beckys are losing their minds over her. A few tattoos and we are supposed to consider her a contender. I can't take it. I can't take what she brought out in people. I can't take what I saw from the general public when she was hot for 5 minutes.
Not only that, but she is a dickhead herself. She came out recently saying how she is androgynous, doesn't really class herself as either male or female. She was fine with being classed as a female a couple years ago when she was in a bikini on the covers of various lads mags wasn't she? Clever ploy at a time when it's so cool to appeal the Tumblr generation of cunts who are desperate to come over different as possible yet all appear exactly the same.
"Gender fluidity is not really feeling like you're at one end of the spectrum or the other. For the most part, I definitely don't identify as any gender. I'm not a guy; I don't really feel like a woman, but obviously I was born one. So, I'm somewhere in the middle, which – in my perfect imagination – is like having the best of both sexes."
She then went on to spurt a load of shit about how she doesn't want to conform to societies norms and so on. How edgy. Do you know how boring that is? She cut her hair, got a few tattoos and now we are all supposed to soak up this androgynous bollocks? I'm not having it Ruby Rose. Not one bit of it.
Yoooooooo WOSKENON I mean WOS REALLY GENON DEN I'm in a fucking wicked mood man. Does reading about someone being in a great mood when you're in an average mood piss you off or buzz you out? That's a pretty good test to see if you're a positive person or not isn't it.
Bees sent me a photo of this car. Imagine having a car and thinking it would be a good idea to do that to it. Crazy.
The fire alarm in my block always goes off. It's got to the point where I just fully ignore it now, it's pointless getting out of bed for it. It doesn't even cross my mind that that's what it is for. I left out for work one morning after it had been going off and all this gang was chilling outside. Even with these lot there was still no fire. If I burn to death destroy my hard drive.
The young homie Elliot Whitelaw said he has never been on Wickedland before. I was surprised with that as this guy has been around doing a couple bits for a minute now. Apparently I mentioned him once but spelt his name wrong. He had a tweet a few days ago that 22 thousand retweets.
WOMAN SPREADING. STOP WOMAN SPREADING
I was in London on Friday so I flew through a shop in Camberwell Kyle Platts had curated. I've never met the guy before, but worked on a few illustration projects with him before through SPT and been a big fan of his work for a long time. It was cool to finally link up.
Me and Teeps were down to see 50 Cent and G Unit shutdown the O2. The show was insane. The O2 was sold out for it, and we got right near the front! Whoo Kid was just Djing playing whatever, so it wasn't like they would do one song then stop for applause. They were running through like 10 songs at a time back to back, proper cramming them in, stuff from all up and down his career. He did a joint that I bump non stop, that I would have never in a million years guessed that I would have heard, Hole In Your Back. It was incredible.
I cannot get over these shops that have these incredible selections of fizzy drinks. I've always liked massive collections of shit, or photographs where you can see loads of different versions of something. London has so many of these shops all over the place. Just think about this shit for a second and think about Turkish Meze restaurants and honestly try and tell me that you don't think we should just open the floodgates and let Europe into our country. They're clearly making it a load better than we ever did.
Take this shit for example; International food market in Hackney, some Germans just rock up with a cheese and fruit cake. Look at it. Baked. Jesus.
We ate at this little stall selling haggis grilled sandwiches.
ALL I SEE IS BAD BITCHES
This was that sandwich. Hot haggis, cheddar, caramelised onions, rocket and mustard, then pressed and grilled. It was fucking divine, I've never thought of haggis as a sandwich filler before.
These coke sluts were around the park giving out free coke party packs. Me and jamie were all over it. Out of all the faceless huge corporations that murder orphans to give people in the first world products Coca Cola is bang up there for the best of them in my opinion. I think it's the few drops of orphans blood in every can that make it so delicious.
Pretty happy.
I was talking to Jamie that morning about how mad it is that nearly all of the rappers and MCs in the UK scene are riding those swegboards. Literally a couple hours later we are chilling in the park and see some guy riding in on one. We remarked on it, then as he came closer I realised it was J Spades haha. So I asked him for a photo, he was so so safe man. Told me MMMP 3 is going to be out in about 2 weeks. I told him I'm not from London and that me and my friends all bump him hard in Leicester and he said he had 'Love for his Midlands mandem still' haha. He was so safe.
Cash Converters has a mascot. Is that really necessary? They realised their customer base was 95% smackheads selling stolen goods, so they've made a mascot to try and drag kids into their weird, uncomfortable realm. Have you ever been in one? It's fucking horrible, they are almost like halfway houses where you are surrounded by desperate, clucking smackheads trying to shift a few Nintendo Wii games to score a next fix. No mascot needed really.
Imagine being the sort of person where those big, ridiculous Beats headphones weren't flashy enough for you, you need to go and get them in gold.
That's your lot you greedy slags, see you all soon!
Mike Ashley is known largely for owning Newcastle United and being incredibly tasteless and bad at it. That doesn't bother me, although I empathise as a football fan it still is kind of funny to watch and makes fun mental scenarios arise. My gripe is with his other business venture. Mike Ashley is the guys who gave the world Sports Direct.
I fucking hate the place. Like it's completely ruined what is considered decent customer service. It's beyond a joke. It's just a free for all in there. I think the reason I hate it most is because it's too cheap to stay away from. And they sell everything. Everytime I need something it's like I'll always forget how bad it'll be. I'll just pop in thinking I'll be 5 minutes and next thing you know I've been in there half an hour, waiting behind some Muslim mother of 4 who is buying her kids whole new wardrobes. Their online service is a joke too. Today I ordered some football boots the other day, paid £6.99 next day delivery, they turn up a day late anyway and have 3 studs missing hahahaha.
I was in store today and their staff are all so clueless too. I was wondering if thick people know they can go and just walk into a job in Sports Direct or if they've just got a knack for employing thick people. If you're reading this and you have ever even handed in a CV at Sports Direct I hate you. To the core of my being I hate you. I was looking at some boots today and I told the guy I need a 6.5 in Nike and a 7 in Adidas. If you can get over how small my feet are for a fully grown man consider my boiling fury when he brought me out a 7.5 pair of Nike Tiempo's and literally said 'They'll be ok'. I felt my pulse in my eyes. If Mike Ashley was never born I wouldn't have lived that moment so many times.
I hate when old people try and son you. I had a conversation with someone earlier and they were really patronising because they were old. All I can think is how much I love my life and that they're gonna be dead soon.
Have you tried these yet? Don't bother, literally taste exactly the same as a normal Snickers. That Aero Mousse bar however, jesus that's a fucking treat. Been hammering them of late.
I can't not make a little Hannibal Lector grill when I eat those Salt and Vinegar chipsticks.
this guy had one of those like long leather coats with like military shit all over it. The little shoulder patches and details on the cuffs. I can't imagine wearing this shit haha it was so extra for just nipping to Tesco.
I can't take this shit much more. She had scanned a box of cakes at the full price when they were reduced. FOOLISHLY didn't cover the original bar code with her hand when she went to the till and paid the price. So on screen it says 'Please place item in bagging area' out loud the machine is saying over and over again 'Please place item in bagging area.' If we can pause life at this point like Em and Dre in the Guilty Conscience video what do you think she should do? probably pop the item in the bagging area right?
So she stands there, flapping. I said 'You need to put the box in the bagging area so you can take it back off.' She is motionless, so confused by the whole situation '...I already did' I said 'Well you obviously didn't, it's not lying is it?' I stepped in to just do it for her. I couldn't take her just standing there doing nothing much longer. She said '...It is.' AS IN THE FUCKING MACHINE IS LYING?!?!?1
Fuck me. So if there are humans knocking about who think that machines are lying for whatever reason can we please try and make it so that these are not the ones who are allowed to use self service checkouts? I cannot take it. They are so simple, stop being so think. I don't go around driving diggers because I don't know how to. That is a machine that I've never bothered to learn how to use, so I avoid jumping in diggers whenever possible. Can people apply that same train of thought to self service checkouts please?
This guy had fully slopped it. He is one of those old piss heads who slops around town asking for money. It's fucked these days. Living in town it's like every single fucking day I'm pestered by these tramps for money. I'll be walking along having a conversation and some smackhead with butt in asking for change. It's hard to resist telling them to go and overdose in some squat somewhere.
Looks crap innit? Me and Brad were talking to the guys in Peri Peri about fasting and they told us they break their fast with a fruit salad. They gave us a little bit, it was really nice. It had like a masala spice on the fruit. If you imagine like a spice apple kind of thing, it was like that.
Daaaark photo, when me and Brad were chilling at mine on Friday a couple pulled into a parking bay outside my window arguing. It was pretttyyyyy sick live theatre. From what I could gather he had been drinking and she was threatening to get out and walk. She got out and was then leaning in the car and arguing with him. I was filming it, waiting for it to kick off. He was stressing, hitting his head off the head rest. In the end she was sat in the passenger seat and he just pulled off pure fast with her door still open. Pretty fun to watch.
Why is it the older I get and the more weighed down with responsibilities the more I hate hippies? I don't mean girls who wear some tie dye and less make up, I mean people who do not want to grow up and face the real world. I was incensed on Saturday that sitting and pumping a bongo was the best way this woman could find to spend her Saturday. Ridiculous behaviour. I should not have to hear that.
Saturday night BLG supported Mahalia at the Cookie, they standardly duppied it.
Mahalia is incredible. She is a 17 years old singer/songwriter, Zane's younger sister. I saw her first a couple years back, and I'm sure I wrote about her then but she is just on another planet. This was somewhat of a homecoming gig and I was gobsmacked throughout her whole set. The writing is so multi dimensional and really inspiring in terms of technicality, yet her songs are really simple and relatable. She played a medley of instruments and her voice is haunting and gentle. She's already receiving huge attention working with Ed Sheeran and writing and recording with Rudimental, recently appearing on Later with Jools Holland with them. I can't stand Kasabian so I'm really enjoying watching a real talent from Leicester rise to stardom, she deserves it all. Check her out here
Teeps dashed a roach while we were mooching about and it landed like this on a drain. I wonder what the odds of that are
Another annoyingly dark photo but don't watch that. This station at McDonalds has all the other stuff but no straws. How fucking annoying is that? Ridiculous scenes.
I always try and keep Wickedland as sport free as possible. I could find myself rambling otherwise. But the Ashes are back on and with it Ricky Ponting has joined the Sky Sports commentary team as if his presence is something we can possibly enjoy.
There aren't many sports stars I hate as much as Ponting. He's got that real 90s Man United stars kind of pedestal of my heart. He was instrumental in a period in English cricket absolutely littered with pasting at the hands of a particularly dislikable Australian team. He's got that same little stupid caucasian face as George Bush. The worst kind of white person face. The kind of white person face black people who hate white people love to hate. He has such a cracker face.
Just a rancid little bloke. Also remember when he had a go at Leicester? After crashing out of a Twenty20 competition him and the Australian team had some time to regroup at the Leicester cricket ground Grace Road. He said "We'll have two weeks in Leicester if we have an early exit here. That won't be good for anybody." What a wanker.
I always buy Sour Skittles because I think I like them but I really don't, I probably just like the packaging. Earlier I was eating a grab bag hating every mouthful.
This was funny. You know how Chinese people love to take photos of fucking anything? Some guy was fitting a shutter in town and he was surrounded by a gaggle of Chinese students all taking photos of him. Is that the most mundane, boring thing to photograph? I wonder what Instagram in China is like. I wonder how often people post.
Are McDonalds trying to take the piss out of my soul? I got the happy meal with my meal aka the gentlemans dessert and this is what they handed me with it haha. Kind of into it now, I think I was just really thirsty at the time.
They're killing it with these though. I recently mentioned how into Aero I'm getting, and this bastard McFlurry is wonderful. I want a bottle of the green mint sauce they put in these. Utterly divine.
Two bathtubs out by the bins in my apartment block. This really made me laugh, they were together like two parts of a bun on a burger. Modern art mate, either get it, or get over it
Arguably the best banter is when someone is using the self service checkout and just walks off midway through putting their items through to go and do more shopping.
Fully fucking hooked on these. I'm a bastard for a biscuit you know. They're only £1.05 at the minute. I feel like they're gonna do with these what they did with the Banana Crisp Dairy Milk where they give you a low price to start with, get you all fucking hooked and then hike it up when you are already in. Literally a pack a day at the minute.
I went to Leicester Racecourse this weekend for my Mums birthday. It was the fucking loveliest hottest day and everyone was out. Big up all the Dads with their funny crap shirts on. I think these #DadLADs were being #Ironic
This woman had customised her hat to have a picture of King Richard III on. Seriously imagine that hahaha. 'Well it's Leicester race day, so why not?' Sitting at home doing it thinking this is gonna be sooooo sick.
Are you lot still wearing garments with sleeves? BORING
The whole thing was huge, there must've been a few thousand people there.
These were actual genuine sunglasses this woman was wearing. Reckon they're a medical thing? Because surely she couldn't have been wearing them because she likes the way they look right?
Me and the gang. It was such a fun day, shegged a few early bets but had a few wins back to back by the end of the day to bring it back. Horse racing is fucking mental though, just bet on names and cool jerseys. At this level literally anything can happen, pointless trying to back a favourite and having shit odds.
Went on a massive bike ride with Dan yesterday. Out like past Great Glen, into Billsden. The sun was so nice, I've got a proper stripe across my nose bridge from my sunglasses. We stopped off to get photographs of this rabbit. I feel like roadkill has always made up a slice of the Wickedland pie and I didn't want to miss this guy.
After we took the photos we were just at the roadside having a drink and working out where we were going next and a car rallied over it. It was a damp, thick rolling sound. The rabbit changed position. DUNK DUNK, like that. I happened to be looking straight at it haha.
