NEW PODCAST: 084 - WITH SANDY JAVES, BEN MELBOURNE AND BRADLEY ANDREWS

Myself and Bradley are joined by Sandy Javes and Ben Melbourne. Sandy works in Wellgosh and Ben works for Vice. We talk Uber, Five Guys, Pianos in public places, Adele, Instagram etiquette and Eskimo Dance.

Also, if you want to come and guest on my podcast send a message to 'Wickedland Blog' on Facebook or tweet me @Wickedlander.

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

 

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK: 033

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - ANTO SHARP

I lose a lot of sleep thinking about these so called Vine stars. It's mad what people will find entertaining because it is put in front of them. The latest to grab my attention is this Anto Sharp guy. I couldn't find his name but Oz who I work with told me he did a thing with Scott Mills for Radio 1. Makes sense right? Searched him on YouTube and the first thing that turned up was a LadBible link. Seriously if you subscribe to this culture I hope you are truly unhappy to your core. I don't want this shit anywhere near my life but the masses of Radio 1 listening, LadBible reading cunts force it through the doors and into my world.

I think my problem with it is that a couple of these guys make a funny viral vine and then feel the need to create more content and it's all rushed and ill thought out. Comedy sketches with no punchline, and now with social media this stuff breaks through and mongols share it and I end up seeing it anyway. There is no quality control. I watched a video of him earlier in the week where he is walking around a super market and making sexual puns with food so shoppers over hear. Seriously? How old is this guy? Is that the sort of shit he finds funny?

Oz told me the other day that with one of his videos he is raising awareness for some charity for Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Not donating proceeds from his disgustingly toxic ringtone, but just raising awareness. I guess that means mardy arses like me can't have a go at him because he's a good guy, right? Wrong. I hope he gets Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. I'd like his page then and watch his videos of him slowly deteriorating.

TRY THIS, TRY THAT

Yoooo what's good then Wickedlanders, I'm back with that NEW SHIT.

Look at him fucking straight this banana is. Is that weird or what? Why is it like that? I saw someone once say they only eat bananas by breaking them off and eating them bite by bite and after each bite saying 'no homo' haha.

I went to a pretty sick house party for Nico's birthday. Pure pure fun, but I don't get those people who go to house parties without a bottle. So so bummy innit, like liquor is pure cheap, as is beer so just take something innit. I thought ok I know most people here so I put my bottle down and kept finding people just pouring drinks from it hahaha

Have you been watching The Hunt? Pretty sick shit bro. Look at this guy, he was pure making me laugh. Maybe I was hungover, I dunno haha. His face is funny though

Once you go through these gates mate, it's different for you

Yooooo I went for late night food with Nico last week. We went to Toro's steakhouse near Maddisons. Oh my god it was so different. One of the nicest steaks I've ever had.

All this rice and veg and chips, and fucking loads of steak covered on sauce. Fuck it was good man, I need to go here again.

I recorded a cypher for Clarence Street studios last week with Wanda, Skitza and Jafro. Look out for that coming soon, I'll post the video up when it drops.

Some massive Sikh parade in town, I had absolutely no idea what this was. Looked a vibes though.

So Five Guys opened. What a time to live in Leicester, all the shit like this and Krispy Kremes is really making us pretty sick. Leicester top of the prem too haha we are coming up son

It was as smooth as you'd like, no problems here. Anyone who is reading this who knows about Five Guys, go and get one of their grilled cheese sandwiches. You're gonna love it. With Jalapeños. 

Onesies are so weird. They're so uncomfortably intimate. I don't know if intimate is the right word to use, but this looks like she is in her pyjamas. A little personal. Stay in your house if you're sleepy.

I went to Bella Italia on Sunday for dinner for Roses birthday. Natalie pops up with a quick voucher, 40% off all mains. That's when you might see me copping 2 mains fresh off the boat. The breaded chicken with the beans and the potatoes looks shockingly shit though right? Zero for presentation from Bella.

'So tasty we've sold out!' McDonalds were taking the piss. 

Look at Brads face hahahaha. He'd had his little heart set on a Big Tasty. I had that thing where I clocked these stickers before he did. The pain in his eyes. I couldn't believe it. 'So tasty we've sold out!' What a fucking liberty

I went to see The Martian the other night. The last couple films set in space I've seen I really enjoyed (Interstellar and Gravity) and I wanted to see this at the cinema. I remember seeing the opening scene of Gravity and I don't think I've ever regretted not seeing a movie in the cinema as much as that. So I went to see this. It was fun for the most part, but fuck me it was predictable. The last like hour of the film was so poor, with absolutely everything just slotting perfectly into place. It really annoyed me how nicely the story wrapped up, completely ruined the film for me.

So the dish on the left at Bella Italia was a beef stew with red wine sauce. Jesus it was fucking special. It inspired me to buy a slow cooker. I know, right? How am I supposed to be a fucking rude boy grime MC who slow cooks shit on the weekends? I'm getting old. I'm making my debut into the slow cooking world with a sausage stew tomorrow. To say I'm excited is a complete understatement. I'm sure you'll see the fruits of my labours.

Stick that in your Wickedland and smoke it! I've got my friends Ben and Sandy coming to do a podcast on Saturday, so look out for that as well as Wasteman of the Week tomorrow! 

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK: 032

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - TAYLOR SWIFT

I'm sat here scratching my fucking head wondering how she's got away with it for so long. How I've not chucked her into the pit. Outright and undoubtably one of the most annoying humans walking the planet right now, our Taylor is a fucking super star. She is everywhere, all the time. I cannot escape her.



She is like the physical embodiment of the sort of white people black people hate. From her offensive, pointy, thin racist facial features to her disgustingly try hard dance moves, everything about her annoys me. She is like the ultimate, ultimate basic becky. I bet she absolutely fucking loves Starbucks. I bet she fucking loves making collage photos to post on Instagram for her friends birthday. Yet she gets ratings all the time. Good friends of mine find her really attractive. I cannot understand it, from her thin lips to her teenage boy shoulders, she is the complete opposite of what's attractive to me. I feel my dick crawl up inside me when I see her.



And that's just physically. That's just looking at her. Her personality disgusts me too, she seems so intense all the time. Like so over the top and expressive over absolutely everything. I bet she is a morning person. I bet she tells people about her dreams. Annoying that Kanye gave her that big break and gave her a career. I just want her to fucking mellow out, she is like a twat teenager who was always sheltered and never bullied into realising that she is a cunt. The most annoying thing is that Shake It Off is probably the best pop song of the last 5 years that isn't by Bruno Mars, and even that can't get her a pass from me. Dog

NEW PODCAST: 083 - WITH ROBIN HARDMAN

My guest for this weeks podcast is my friend Robin Hardman. Robin is an awesome conversationalist and I've wanted to get him involved in the podcasts for a long time. We discuss TV, Tim Westwood, Magazines in general in the wake of FHM closing down, face transplants and smoking.

Also, if you want to come and guest on my podcast send a message to 'Wickedland Blog' on Facebook or tweet me @Wickedlander.

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

SHIT IM EITHER ADDICTED TO OR TRYING TO BE ADDICTED TO

Yo whats up you lot? Here is a little life hack I feel not a lot of people know, but I use it all the time and I wanna share it. An easy trick for remembering how many days are in each month. Make two fists facing forward with your thumbs touching, so your knuckles are facing forward. Your knuckles represent months that have 31 days, and the little furrows in-between your knuckles represent months that have 30 days and February of 28/29. So from left to right, you can count along your knuckles to work out how many days a certain month has. The two knuckles of your index fingers represent July and August, both having 31. I use this all the time.

Also, this is something an old Indian bloke taught me. Instead of counting to 5 with your five fingers start by using the tip of your thumb and counting down the 3 separate parts of the inside of your pinky, and so on working over towards your index finger. Each hand now has 12 units for counting rather than 5. Get into the habit and it'll because second nature.

COUPLE LIFE TIPS AT YOUR FUCKING HEAD TOP

Why would you get one of these weird dog tire cover things? They make your car look like one of those fleeces. Do you think it's only people who wear those fleeces who do this to their cars?

Some girls came as 'lego' on the halloween bar crawl. I love any costume that is an inanimate object, no matter how shit.

Disappointment

This girl I know tweeted this. She was playing Pictionary with her class (she is a teacher) and apparently this kid drew 'The Twin Towers' hahaha. Is that not the best thing?

Look at how fucking happy with himself he is hahahaha

On a casual one, pushing that shopping trolley down Belvoir Street. I can't even think of where she would have got this shopping trolley from. Iceland maybe on the other side of town? I definitely should have asked.

Chloe put me on to these. They've been £1 for 6 from Tesco all week. It's got really bad, upto 3 packs a day. I need to research how bad living with diabetes is because I'm definitely going to have it by the time I'm 30.

Nandos are doing a little chargrilled veg now. I say they're doing it, they fucking weren't when I went because they'd sold out. Tossers, this is my shit as well. I'll let you know if it's any good when I finally get to copping some.

The Diwali lights down Melton road are so sick, it looks well nice. Kinda wanna get on that big wheel, although I don't like getting on high things that have been set up overnight by gypsies. I'm going on to a fair on Saturday. If I die write something Skepta said on my gravestone.

Obviously the Chinese mandem brought the professional equipment to take some photos of the Abbey Park bonfire and fireworks display. How good could those photos really be? I don't think the best photo on earth of fireworks is dazzling me. Leave the long lens at home dunny.

Look, dazzled. Nah real talk the actual fireworks were better than I thought they would be but why are you gonna take photos of them? Are you gonna look back at the photos ever? I want to believe that this guy is selling his flicks to a stock photography site but given his ethnic background I suspect otherwise.

cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool 

Seen some pure old boy in a hat that said 'EVERYDAY I'M HUSTLING' This guy literally just stopped me on my lunch break earlier and asked me for 30p. Technically I guess his hat is factually correct right?

Hit the jackpot in Tescos two nights running. First night I got 4 x 1ltr Mountain Dew's for 52p each on clearance. Bittersweet because I guess they're spotting stocking them. Probably a good thing as I'm getting my sugar quoter and then some already with the Fudge bars I'm consuming.

Secondly I got this pizza for 10p yesterday. God bless Tesco man. Although I'll tell you what's fucking me off. You know the whole 5p bag thing? It's so irritating how they'll ask you if you want a bag, you'll say yes and then they'll still tell you it's 5p. Like I know. I'm still alive. I haven't been in a coma for the last 2 months. I don't want to open my mouth and talk to you more than when I said yes to having a bag in the first place. Everyone always wants to talk to you innit.

STAY WOKE I'M BACK WITH A NEW PODCAST TOMORROW HOLLA AT ME

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK: 031

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - JAMES BOND

I can't fuck with this shit man. I dream of a life where I could get into James Bond because the launches of the films are always such big deals. It must be like being able to enjoy the music in main rooms in clubs. Like everyone loves this shit and they do massive numbers, but I just can't get with it. My golden rule with any movie is that I don't want to know the ending before I've seen the start. I want a story, mainly. That really shouldn't be too much to ask, right? It's the same reason I can't watch super hero movies. No matter how tough it gets, the good guy wins.

I've watched a couple of the newer ones to try and give Bond a fair chance. Up until a couple of months ago the last one I saw was Goldeneye. I thought I'd see if much has changed since I was 6/7 years old. So I watched Casino Royale which was ok, but ultimately drags on for 3 hours too long, is formulaic and ends with him winning (shock.) But then I tried to watch Skyfall and Quantum of Solace and they are just shocking. The thinnest story you can imagine. No matter how much you love cars does anybody really want to see a car chase that lasts 12 minutes? It's just overindulgent crap.

I don't know wether it's a generational thing, or maybe being at an age where my tastes are being made during the information era but it really irks me how certain things get a pass because they're British institutions. Everything from traditional food and drink, to national services like the BBC and the Royal Mail to film culture. It's embarrassing, yet people continue to subscribe to this mindless shit, so it continues to be made, all in the name of 'tradition.' I understand there used to be a degree of romance around these films in simpler times. I can see the appeal of Bond movies in the 60s/70s. But now, in 2015 and into James Bond's 24th title, surely everyone has got to be getting bored of this same old formula now? Also, he's a secret agent spy who introduces himself by name every chance he gets. What a tosser.

NEW PODCAST: 082 - WITH TWISTED PENNYS

My guest this week was an MC from Leicester, someone who I make music with called Twisted Pennys. We spoke about hip hop, our time in America, M&Ms, Twitter, Coca Cola and Keith Vas.

Also, if you want to come and guest on my podcast send a message to 'Wickedland Blog' on Facebook or tweet me @Wickedlander.

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

 

NEW YORK GRAFFITI: PART 2