WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK: 065

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - SKY TV

So I moved house about 2 months ago and signed up to a Sky TV deal. It was pretty cheap as I'm a new customer. I was buzzing. Fast forward a couple months and I'm at my wits end already. We got Sky at home when I moved out so I've never really spent much time using it and becoming familiar with the interface. Last night I had a meltdown, I cannot believe how shit it is.

From the way episodes and shows are indexed, to the way the interface works to how clunky and unresponsive the software is, is this really the premier way to watch cable television in this country? It's an astounding mess. For those who don't know, when you click to view the information on a show it doesn't show you the season or episode number. I got halfway through an episode of Idris Elba: Fighter last night before realising the first one on the list was the 3rd episode in the series. How can that be possible? It's dinosaur shit, the way you consume media and entertainment has gone way way past that and it's like because Sky have a monopoly over things like sports broadcasting rights they don't really need to push the envelope with their product.

I don't know if it's because I'm so used to how wonderfully simple the interfaces are on things like Netflix and iPlayer that I expected more from Sky. At more than 10 times the cost of Netflix you'd think they'd bother to sort out the fucking archaic mess. I'm well aware that from a software point of view it's way more complicated than something like Netflix, but there's no excuse for not properly indexing episodes. They're supposed to be the TV guys. They're supposed to care about TV. It's disgusting that they've got you over a barrel and will continue to just raise prices once they know you're hooked. I cannot believe they have the cheek to charge as much as they do and this is what they provide. Even when you've series linked a show the episodes are not in any particular order. They'll run from 1-22 then from 34-40 then from 23-33. It's mental. I'm sure for people who are so used to Sky these things seem acceptable and normal but to me, as a new customer, someone who is tech and entertainment savvy it's a mental mental weird joke.

WICKEDLAND'S VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL

So yesterday I had a thought; to collect everyones embarrassing and funny Valentine's day stories and post them in one place for all to read. I put out a call on Facebook and Twitter and they slowly but surely started landing. Here are some of my favourites as they are as they rolled in, completely unedited. Thanks to everyone who contributed!

13.02.17 - 21:55pm

When I was a kid in primary school it came to valentine's day and I decided to give someone a shite 'a4 page folded in half' card. On the card was a green and black dinasour and the horrible dinasour was... crying blood. Crying. Blood. Like I dunno what came into my mind, it's possibly the least romantic image, just had to share that with you. Just a blank a4 page, a dying crying dinasour and the weird kid from the year above.

13.02.17 - 22:06pm

I haven't ever celebrated Valentine's Day with someone, although in secondary school I gave cards to to my girls and one of them was adamant I was a lesbian after it. She didn't speak to me no more.

13.02.17 - 22:40pm

Finished my day at medway, year 6. popped over the road to the pound shop to buy a tamagotchi rip off. realised it was valentines so bought a lace rose for my mum (first valentines for my ma) she picked it up my the petals.. unravels into lace knickers. i'm a gent so course i had to sleep her.

13.02.17 - 23:38pm

Okay picture this, my first valentines day with my first ever boyfriend, we'd been together probably three weeks so everything was still pretty new. We decided to stay at his and order take out with movies. This was the first meeting with his mum too. Anyway the romantic night i'd planned losing my virginity with my boyfriend was spent projectile vomiting from food poisoning whilst sitting crying in my pants watching his mum scrub my aromatic duck and red wine out of her white hallway carpet till 4am. He had to buy a new mattress and his mum had to re-carpet the hallway.


14.02.17 - 00:03pm
I went to Wagamama's on a second date with a girl on Valentine's Day. She made me laugh and I pissed my pants. She never found out and we have been together since. I'm praying she doesn't read this.


14.02.17 - 00:28pm
In year 8 I think. Once gave a girl a signed ticket to a gig I went to cause she couldn't go in an envelope I wrote the lyrics to the bands songs to on, and she still friend zoned me for someone else. #yolo


14.02.17 - 11:15pm
2 years ago today, I went to work, got sacked (for checking my phone too often), walked home in the pissing rain with my bike that had two flat tyres, walked in the pissing rain to my girlfriends house to be consoled, got instantly dumped by said girlfriend, walked back home in the pissing rain, watched Shrek. Tragic.


14.02.17 - 14:23pm
Took my ex to some shower man Indian restaurant.  She was on the blob and had a cold, paid for a 3 course meal that she barely touched.  Got home n she went straight sleep not even a feel up.


Thanks for reading! More Wickedland coming very very soon!

NEW PODCAST: - 120 WITH KAMAKAZE - RECORDED 13.10.16 // THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

So way back in mid October during the Great Wickedland Black Out of 2016 I met up with Kama to chill and we chopped it up for a podcast that never made it live. Things were really hectic and it just got away from me. I remember it being a really fun one so I thought while I’m here posting as much content as I can I’m going to share this with you guys.

I think the wonderful thing about the podcast format is that you can go back and listen to old podcasts and still enjoy them. They don’t really go out of dates the way many other forms of media do. So here is myself and Kamakaze, recorded 13.10.16 discussing what’s going on with Kama musically, Kim K getting robbed in Paris, the idea of image, killer clowns, Obama, Trump, Samsung phones, Halloween, Sam Allardyce getting sacked from his post as England manager, FIFA, landlords and travel.

Also, if you want to come and guest on my podcast send a message to 'Wickedland Blog' on Facebook or tweet me @Wickedlander.

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK: 064

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - 'THE SESH'

One thing above all things that makes me feel old is the way young people speak. I hear words and I’m aware they’re not for me. I’m aware I wouldn’t say them. When I was younger I wasn’t as aware of slang spreading the way it does now. Maybe it’s because it didn’t, without social media being the factor in life it is now.

Around 6 months ago people started saying ‘the sesh’. It’s been doing my head in ever since. Never before have I seen something so pointless adopted by so many people. I do not understand it. It’s like when everyone started saying ‘banter’ and that just become the word for fun or bullying for a while. Out of nowhere mindless mongs signed themselves up because they’d rather be in that out. The thing with ‘the sesh’ is, everyone likes to drink and party and take drugs. There’s nothing notable about it. We don’t need a name for that, yet these cunts continue to force it and the crap jokes that go along with it.

The flip side of this coin is a sweet one though. It’s nice when you meet someone who is so concerned and put off by this particular piece of slang as you are. It’s nice to know that not absolutely everyones mind is impersonal malleable puty that simply fills the space between their ears. Nice to know that not everyone feels they have to conform to some shite jokes and some new slang term to try and fit in.

I’ll leave you with this clip from the wonderful Limmy’s Show

YESTERDAY I LISTENED TO: THE WEEKND - HOUSE OF BALLOONS (2011)

YESTERDAY I LISTENED TO:

The Weeknd - House Of Balloons (2011)

I remember the first time I ever heard The Weeknd. James Cherry shared ‘Wicked Games’ on Facebook. I thought it was by a band called The Weeknd initially. For all the love I have for Abel I hope we can all agree it’s a fucking stupid name for a solo act. That aside I instantly fell in love with the song. RnB isn’t meant to be rushed and it was all really drawn out and seductive, as is the whole record. This really was a blinding debut. It’s interesting to revisit it because it largely shaped where RnB is at now. This was almost the dawning of the new era. A modern blueprint. The trend was set with this release.

As is his sound, the project is very unique. Only 43 minutes long in 9 tracks. It’s dreamy, druggy, lucid and spaced out, thick with echoes and reverb. It’s such a patient listen. The subject matter was kind of rare of at the time too. RnB songs weren’t really about the things on this record at that time. Typically Abel sings about vice. All the songs are like hangovers, talking about drink, drugs, sex and partying. Now, in the shadow of The Weeknd’s early work it’s kind of been done to death. Artists like Future, Kanye West and Drake adapted their styles and it’s what we are used to hearing. But at the time it was very exciting. Also Abel was largely faceless at the time. People didn’t know what The Weeknd looked like. His face wasn’t plastered all over it. It was pretty cool.

Song for song it’s such a strong project. I couldn’t possibly pick a favourite track. I listen to it and my choice changes as it progresses. I love lean projects, and there really isn’t any fat here. No filler. ‘High For This’ sets the tone and is the perfect opener, encapsulating the mood of the record. I remember hearing that for the first time and thinking his vocal performance on ‘Wicked Games’ wasn’t a fluke. This guy can really sing! Another stand out is ‘What You Need.’ It has all the elements of a classic song by The Weeknd. If you were trying to convince someone that he is worth his salt this would be a good one to go for. ‘Coming Down’ Is a pulsating, mellow song that opens the tail end. The mantra ‘I only want you when I’m coming down’ rings through out. This typifies the whole project. Like I said the theme of being jaded, drugs, partying and sex stay true from start to finish.

I remember when I first heard this, thinking about how it doesn’t at all sound the same track for track but it all sounds like it belongs on the same release. That quality shouldn’t be as rare as it is. I think a lot of that is to do with the spacey vocal production. It just all fits and works so well, the journey as you listen is effortless. If it’s been a while since you listened to it dig it out and do so. I still think this is one of his best works to date and a killer debut. It’s sultry, sexy, slow and melodic. Everything that a good RnB record should be. I’d take another one of these over a thousand Starboy’s any day of the week.

AMSTERDAM GRAFFITI

Not many flicks, but just for good measure here's some graffiti snaps from Dam

WICKEDLAND 9TH BIRTHDAY SPECIAL

TODAY MARKS WICKEDLANDS 9TH BIRTHDAY! Nuts, I have no idea how I've bothered writing for this long but I'm glad I have. Big up all the Wickedlanders. I'm thinking for the 10th Birthday I wanna do a little event. Make some merch, have drinks and pizza, listen to music. Like a Wickedland party. I'll do some save the date shit nearer the time. We've got loads of time anyway.

My original plan for this post was to post loads of little treats, but I'd only considered a couple of bits of content that would make sense and I've not finished working on them so that's shelved. But either way, the fun stuff is coming, don't you fucking worry. For now, enjoy these flicks.

Is this fancy dress? Or is that just him? You know the older you get the more liberated you feel in the sense that you can wear what you want, let your identity shine and so on. I wonder if this guy always felt like he was a exotic printed shirt/ shorts and knee high socks with a walking stick kind of guy and never wanted to show it, or if he's always been brazen with it.

Speaking of which, when did this guy decide green was for him? All green everything please. Kind of a similar shade too, you've got to admire his dedication if nothing else.

Holdtight the lipsing gang. Not in McDonalds please lads come on.

I saw this kid in a full Leicester kit wearing football boots just having a little gelato. Would you let your kids wear football boots recreationally if it's what they wanted? I know you're supposed to let kids do whatever they want right and let them flourish and make their own decisions but it's a no from me. You look like a fucking twat.

I have this voice in my head that I hear every single day that asks me if I'm making the right decisions. A voice in my head that reminds me I'm against the clock and constantly wonders if I'm enjoying my life as much as I can. If I'm balancing work and leisure properly and what is the right balance. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. The longer life dwindles on, and the louder the voice in my head gets. I saw this pissed up bloke in one of those jester hats just bopping through town one day and I looked at him and thought I've never known happiness like that. What incredible freedom he must feel.

Cosplay is interesting isn't it. Was my childhood stunted because I've become and adult and cannot fathom wanting to dress up as a computer game character and walk around near DMU campus desperate to get laughed at, so to add to the narrative that I'm so misunderstood?

And you're thinking ok a little Sims diamond. I can get with that, that's a fucking awesome costume. Then you notice his 'pizza slut' T shirt and you just think you know what, I'm done with this Cosplay lark.

This is just made by the earth. A bit of watering but it just happens. How cool is that? I'm into that.

This is just made by me. Me and Peri Peri. I love this salad with garlic mayo and this grilled chicken. I can't wait for it to be hot again so I can eat this shit.

Slop gang don't get caught slopping in 2017

Is this lad still about? I'm bored of him and I don't even see his face all the time. Does he still make music? Rubbish, get him out of here.

The new Deliveroo jackets with the reflector bit in are so cool aren't they? The photo doesn't show it but the grey bit is a reflector. I'm sure you've seen one of the thousands and thousands of cycling employees in one, you don't need me to explain.

These are a fucking delight. I feel like cookie dough has potential to be the next pulled pork or avocado. Popular beg food that gets completely rinsed by everyone, everywhere. Cookie dough is dope and so are these, get them if you see them.

So into this. I like garments that just say the name of a food on them. Like a sports team you support. I saw that singer Foxes wearing a sweater that said 'PEANUT BUTTER'.

I hate kids. I never used to hate kids but I think I hate kids. These days I'm often way more annoyed than endeared by the presence of kids. Is that my fault? Is it something to do with modern parents? I don't know but what I do know is everywhere I go kids do my head in. This lad was running from table to table in Mcdonalds. Why please?

Ponytails are odd aren't they. Do you think these blokes plan on growing one of them and becoming that guy with a ponytail? Or do you think it just happens accidentally? Either way when it gets to this point you need to let it go don't you. It's odd how ponytails become such a big part of someones identity. Like you become the bloke with the ponytail.

Nope

I went to Cured at Brewdog with a few familiar faces. They've basically opened up a smokehouse restaurant in the pub. When I went I took a load of pictures with the best intensions of writing about the experience. I'll spare you the trip round the houses it was rubbish and bland. Looked really nice but that was about it. The service was poor from when I booked the table to when we paid the bill. I think the pub have seen that selling burgers in Leicester is like printing money and they wanted in on it. Go Brewdog for a pint, not for food, it's not worth it.

The Orator has been working on an interesting project. A regular guest on my podcasts so I expect you should all be completely clear on what his thing is, but if not I'll fill you in. He's a spoken word artist who has recorded his debut album. It's interesting because it's a spoken word album, it's going to be very unique. I've heard snippets here and there and it's built with instrumentation and soundscapes as a backdrop. It's wrapped and ready for release, I'm excited to listen to it.

They sell these fruit juices in the European shop near me with fruit in the bottles. The fruit looks so fermented and pale, I can't imagine it would add anything at all to the juice. I wonder if people buy them. Pretty good for display purposes if not.

'Limitless' isn't really a word I would use to describe a little £22.99 electric storage heater. I'd go for 'Limiting' maybe or 'Limited'

I was on my flight out to Dam when Trump got sworn in, sat in a Frankie and Benny's at Luton airport. Pretty mad. I love thinking like where were you with this sort of stuff. Those big world defining moments. Loads of people were watching this little TV behind the bar all transfixed. This was it.

I think when discussing people who age well, you hear too much talk about Gwen Stefani and Pharrell Williams and not enough about how Tony Robinson. Let's at least be fair here.

Can you see how good these cartoons are? Telling people what not to do on the trams in Dam. Pretty funny

This pizza was so thick. I probably would have looked at this years ago and fancied a go at it. Now it makes me feel sick. Is there hope yet for my arteries? Highly doubt it tbh

The Dutch Museum of Banter! Didn't pop in, probably should have. 

This is Tom. We met when myself and a bunch of the guys went out to Krakow, Poland in 2012. Tom and his young woman Annelot were in the same hostel as us. They ended up coming out with us one night and we had the maddest night out and we've kept in touch since. Before I flew out to Dam I messaged Tom to see if he wanted to link up. Turns out despite living in Utrecht he is now working in Dam and we met up for burgers, a few drinks and a chin wag. He's every bit as lovely as I remember and I'm sure it won't be the last time I see him. The maddest thing was the day I messaged him was 5 years to the day from when I'd last seen him, just by chance. How crazy is that haha

Speaking of burgers, Gourmet Burger Kitchen is coming to Leicester. Just what we need. I always think one thing you struggle to find here is a burger. I wish there was somewhere irrespective of what time it is, if you fancy a burger, you can get one. Hopefully they've solved the fact it's impossible to get a burger in Leicester. 

Some of my favourite Wickedland pictures are the ones I snap when I'm drunk that I don't remember why I snap them. This guy Ian (on the left) has worked for the company I work for for a number of years, I think the longest serving member the casual team. I wish you knew him how I do, and I wish I could do his character and personality justice in a few sentences, but it's not even worth it. My over arching thought here is for what reason could he possibly be speaking to this bloke hahahaha

These look kinda dead here but they were real good. Garlic mayo, cucumber, red onion, peri sauce, popcorn chicken and melted cheddar. You know when I squeezed these babies in and took that first bite? Direct debits didn't exist for a split second.

Bradley simply proud of Birdman, still chugging along. How is he still going. Wonder what his diet is like. To be fair it's rare that you see him doing mental shit anymore. I've not seen him slopping a coffee over his hand as he does yoga topless in town hall square for years now. Hope he's alright.

That's all for today! Hope you've enjoyed this bumper edition, I'll be back tomorrow with some more stuff! WICKED WICKED LAND LAND