NOT BEEN ON FOR A WHILE-LAND

BUT HONESTLY

its like a rug, with a really nice illustration of a kitten on it.

I CANNOT REALLY REMEMBER

all of the things we wrote

stuff like "live like your mum, die like your dad." "i wish your mum had a mis-carraige" then "i wish your mum was a mis carriage" also "i wish your mum would have an eternal period" not as in she would go through a stage of listening to the early 90's all girl group. i mean i wish her vagina would never, ever stop bleeding, purely because it would be well inconvinient for you and her. "i wish your dad died at birth",



the other day, me and dave found out about these wicked hats at work.

HELLO I MADE A NICE SANDWICH

here is how you can too!

step 1) get yourself some nice bread. a bit of terrorist baguette will do just fine, the second you move away from already sliced bread, you are into interesting territory.

step 2) cut it open with a saw and butter dat.

step 3) work out if the silly info on the butter has anything to do with you. personally, i dont have to worry about this right now, because only really-fat-horrible-scum-of-the-earth people have to worry about fucking butter because they dont dare run about.

step 4) get some proper ham. lovely salty tasting ham from the fish market that your mum buys will do just fine.

step 5) then, slice up some nice crumbley osama cheddar cheese. i reckon the stronger the cheese the better. this one tastes like piss, so its pretty strong.

step 6) get some lettuce. not no wet, all green lettuce from macdonalds, im talking about real crunchy lettuce thats all purple and tropical and shit. dont forget to wash it, because apparently, when you buy it, its not clean already.

step 7) put some mayo on it. again, use low fat or half fat mayo if you are double fat and you want to be normal fat.

step 8), with two hands, do the thing they do in subway, where everything stays in the sandwich, and they pull it and squash it a bit, using two hands, then admire the lovely sandwich.

step 9) eat it up.