SAME OLD SHIT

I'm planning on putting together another illustration zine soon, I'll keep you posted with the details.

CRAP FOOD OR GOOD FOOD / IT'S YOUR CALL

Yoooooo what's good. I always go to kick off these kinds of posts discussing the weather, but then stop myself because I can't stand when people discuss the weather. It seems like the most easy, mundane thing to talk about. So here I am, talking about not talking about the weather. Shall we get into it?

Saw this in a chip shop the other day. That's got to be depressing for anyone to eat hasn't it surely. A samosa cob. Jesus christ, that is rock bottom.

This is up in the reception area of my gym. New edition. I'm thinking of having it away for my living room, what do you reckon? Would look alright wouldn't it?

 Some guy was so slopped off at the O2 the other night I managed to balance 3 cups on his head. I wanted to go for more but the doorman came over and ruined my fun. 

Big up Alfie, loving a little go on the park. I saw thinking about how it's weird how dogs love just going to the park. It's just kind of nothingy, but they do fucking love it don't they.

This bloke was killing it. Excuse my ironically shit photo. He was just snapping away on his digital camera. Anything and everything. The road, a tree, a letterbox, a traffic light. Real #Urban #Photographer hahaha

I think just as a basic rule of thumb if you are one of those people who hangs onto and uses those little coupons supermarkets send out to catchment areas (go you, nothing to be ashamed of) queue for the regular check out. That's like extreme high level shit to be trying to do on the self service checkout.

Also, I was wondering; if they branded the self service checkouts as 'express' check outs, do you reckon people would inherently have reservations over using them when they knew they were going to be slow for whatever reason?

The guy who owns the building that our office is in put this notice up on this little hot water tap thing. Is it literally the most boring thing ever? Is this the most boring thing anyone has ever wrote out? Spend a little bit of time just trying to read it. Everytime I go to the sink to get a drink I laugh to myself, I can't imagine that guy writing this out and thinking people will actually stand, read it and digest it hahahaha.

I went to Crafty Burger again the other night. Only my second time! Ben was up, so me and him popped along. He had this cheeseburger with belly pork and these little crispy onion rings.

I had this chicken thigh burger I'd heard good things about. It was coated and fried in rice krispies! It was so nice though, it really worked. I told my mum and she said she had heard of like chicken nuggets in crunched up corn flakes, so I guess it's a similar thing.

The topped fries are still my favourite thing though, these were insane. I fucking love chips so much.

Kanye headlined Glastonbury on Saturday night as I'm sure you know. What did you lot think? It was a weird one, obviously I bum him so hard and I reckon in places it was incredible but it was so ropey at times. Loads of technical issues and missed cues, I don't think it was his best show ever. Compare it to his Coachella headline set in 2011 or when Jay Z did Glasto and for me it doesn't really come close. Hold My Liquor was a disaster. That being said he shot out of the blocks and the first half an hour was insane. All Day absolutely went off haha

Worst photo ever, (well second worst following my photo of that guy taking pictures further up this feed) but I made these toasted meatball cubanos. I made this sauce with red onions and jalapeños and put fucking loads of cheese in them. They were so nice. 

I wonder what these would taste like. '4 Wildly tasty 90g fat balls'. I always find it weird when they describe animal food as tasty. Like on dog food adverts. I had a look at them and they looked like what you pull out of a sink when you unblock it. Fucking rancid tramp little birds

Shout to that new ice cream spot in St Martins Square. 3 scoops, I had hazelnut, banana sorbet and chocolate. Unreal. They had liquorice flavour too, that I've not had since I was about 15 but I thought it wouldn't be nice with these flavours. Might catch me mid week just COPPING the ting though

Are worn out, see through leggings simply the most undignified thing of our generation? I really struggle with this shit. I'm not even a clothes snob. I wont try to mask my shit personality or physical flaws by spending £100s of pounds on expensive clothes to fast track a sense of self worth. I love cheap clothes. I'll buy cheap clothes. But ideally, can girls just stop buying cheap see through leggings? Fuck me. How has it got to this. Let's make sure the garment serves the basic purpose before we buy it please.

JOIN US NEXT TIME FOR SOME MORE WICKEDLAND!

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK 012

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - JAMES CORDEN

Scroll down. Scroll down to the bottom of this post. Is that not one of the most punchable faces currently on earth? I've never liked any of these lot, ever since Gavin and Stacey. I don't like the sort of culture they encourage. Just settle down and get fat with someone until you die. Have a takeaway and watch whatever Ant and Dec are presenting on a Saturday night. Corden is the poster boy for that lifestyle. Ironically he is now out in Hollywood making more money than I'll ever see, but you get my drift.

Anyway, this guy got inducted following a conversation with Tom. We were discussing if he is a worthy inductee or not. We considered his recent venture over to the states. I initially said that he isn't as annoying as he used to be, but think about it. He really is. He is worse. Just pottering about begging it with these superstars, like they give a fuck about who he is. Like the late night TV chat market isn't completely oversubscribed anyway. And that's what it is. Begging. Just arse licking whoever wants to come and sing some songs in his car with him.

I think the main reason he is more annoying now than he used to be is exposure. He's no longer just a bloke from Gavin and Stacey who get's a shout whenever it's red nose day or whatever, he has made it. He has hit hollywood and as a result I see his face nearly every single day. And I'm still wondering what he is good at. Inoffensively safe in everything he touches, he isn't particularly funny, smart or quick. He is just the best at being normal. That's not a good enough reason to be stinking rich for me, sorry James.  

(Look at that photo, then scroll back up)

ALL THE BITS AND BOBS

I'm having pretty bad luck at the minute with food places saying they're gonna be open and just being shut. It's so fucking annoying, like can you just be open please? It was like just after 9 and on google and on the actual door of this place it said it was open until 11. Fucking mental, not even close. It bothers me because like I can't get with the idea of eating a certain thing and just abandon it and change what I want. I get so into the idea of having a certain thing, so it's causing me a real problem at the minute. Fuck everything.

What's going on here? These two cars were just hanging out over the white line. I don't drive but I don't understand how this can happen. How do you just drive out into the middle of a junction on a red and just stop there? You might as well just carry on right? Not only that but how do two cars manage it?

Some Tescos bag on your head with some stuff in it when it's raining mandem

I'm kind of into this print. Look at how complex it is hahaha pure nature shit. I might get my sofa reupholstered with this shit. reindeers and squirrels and shit

Man I wish so bad I was Sikh sometimes just so I had this to look forward to. This was just in the Highcross. I love these dons. Why are they always here? Think they just leave their wives at home to go chill here? It's cool how the Highcross guys just let them be and don't try to move them on.

At the Leicester Uni Summer Ball on Saturday I saw this cool guy who knew about Wickedland. Love that. pissed out my little skull, can't remember meeting him but I had this photo on my phone and Bradley filled me in. 

We were walking back in from the smoking area and these girls were pretending to kiss to get our attention. When we ignored them and just walked by they stopped us and asked us to take a photo for their snapchat. Dippy little try hard bimbos haha.

These guys were around town the next day with these like bike things with massive advertising boards on the back. In my vulnerable hungover state they looked really weird and uncomfortable to me, like they were roaming around causing trouble. Like those blokes from the original Wizard of Oz who wheel about everywhere.

Have you ever put a can into a Pringles tube? Magical feeling. It slots down perfectly. Sadly the Pringles can is only like 2.5 cans deep. If it was 3 deep I think I'd go to bed and just want to sleep forever.

It's so annoying that these trollies where you have to put a pound in still exist. I had to draw a tenner out, go in, queue up, buy something, come out and put a quid in just to go back in. Mental. Can we just have normal trollies like Asda? This was at the Tesco on Braunstone Gate. Reckon it's because the students are wankers and think it's hilarious to rob the trollies? Fuck knows, either way it was pure crap.

Check this out. This shop in town has one of those racks for chewing gum, still on his counter but with no chewing gum. Luckily he put a sign in place to let you know where the actual rack is.

To be fair his sign is spot on though. Pure made me laugh though, it just made his shop look crap haha. Just get rid of the other rack?!

That's your fucking fill! Enjoy your weekend lads! WICKED WICKED WICKED WICKED

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK 011

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - RACHEL DOLEZAL

Have you been following this story? It's the most genius thing, I can't quite believe it. It couldn't be anyone else this week could it. For anyone who has been under a rock, Rachel Dolezal is from Montana, is a president for the Washington chapter of the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People) and a University Lecturer in the field of African American studies. This week the story broke that she has falsely represented herself claiming to have African American heritage and claims to be 'black'. Photos have surfaced of her as a blue eyed caucasian teenager and caused absolute meltdown on the internet, it's all been pretty funny to watch.

The mad twist is that it's her parents that ratted her out. She had been falsely claiming that a black guy was her Dad and her actual Dad (obviously a white guy) came forward and outed her. “She’s clearly our birth daughter, and we’re clearly Caucasian, that’s just a fact,”  Her surname is of Czech descent haha. It's fucking mental, but brilliant because it's like she cannot stay away from reporters and she doesn't look like she is very good at thinking on her feet. It's like she knows what she is doing is wrong and doesn't have many answers. It's one thing being politically motivated and interested in racial issues outside of your own race, that's nothing new, but it's a whole other thing lying about your race and identity. Cringeworthy clips are popping up left, right and centre of her dodging the most clear, straight forward questions, check the one I embedded below.

As much of a fucking idiot as she is I considered the role of political correctness in all of this. It's quite clear when looking at photos of her with her fake tan and her braids or heavily permed hair that she is appropriating black culture. She is effectively dressed in blackface, which is outrageous. But then consider that the big headlines last week were that Bruce Jenner underwent gender realignment surgery and revealed himself to the world as a woman. Labelled 'brave' and 'courageous' by the masses for being the real him, despite his genetic make up. A celebration of what identity means in this day and age. But as soon as Rachel alters her appearance with similar motives she is vilified. It doesn't seem like much of a level playing field to me.

That's just a thought. It doesn't change the fact she is a knob.

LONDONCHESTER

Yooooooo how is it Monday already? This weekend has shot by. Anyway, as with time, Wickedland just continues. It's been going on too long now to be honest. I went to London and Manchester last weekend, here is some stuff I saw.

This van was in some traffic just as I got into London. For an independent removals company this sticker on the back says 'We remove ONLY what you ask for!' As if that is some sort of USP. Isn't that kind of expected? Like you'd be pretty pissed off if they started removing other stuff right? Or are this their insurance policy, like in case someone moans at them for doing half a job? I need answers, either way it's rubbish.

Pitbull was on the fucking tube. Crap photo/ not post worthy.

I was down in London at a surprise party for Jamies 30th. His sister Mairi had organised the whole thing, it was great. Being part of surprise parties is one of the most fun things you can do.

Everyone had masks of his face ready for when he came in. It was held in a function room at his local so he literally had no idea what was going on when his girlfriend brought him through. It was wicked.

Big up the London gang, I had my tiny pissed eyes in.

We later went on to the dolphin. Last time I went there (July 2013) I saw a girl wearing a garment covered in simpsons heads. I spoke about it on here. Gold star for anyone who remembers. Well literally within minutes I saw the same girl again, wearing the same shirt. I lost my head. Chloe and Max didn't give a shit.

Naturally as ever when I get pissed and find myself alone at night in London I got lost on the nightbuses. I was staying with Nat in South West and was travelling back from the party in North East. I fucked it. The route was made up of loads of places I vaguely remember from being hammered at various points in London.

The single best thing about London is those wicked eastern-european owned convenience stores that stay open all night. I love them so much, I wish we had that culture all over the country. 

Saturday I got a train to Manchester. To be honest if I was gonna rely on one single entity to get me into heaven, I'm going for Jesus every time. 'VIA CLARKSON TO HEAVEN' is a far more daring T shirt for my money but what do I know.

We ended up eating at this place called The Cain and Grain. it was pretty sick you know, loads of nice burgers and that sort of stuff. These fries with some super hot chillies and cheese over them, fucking lovely.

We were out for Liam and Toms joint birthday celebrations. It was a really good night, Manchester is a pretty sick night out. It was the Saturday that the Champions League final was on so we started boozing pretty early with that and dinner.

Look at this; In this food place the bossman must've got so bored of explaining to people that this pizza does in fact come without olives that he crossed it off the photo hahaha. So into that. Outside this shop I found a lampost that when you tap it with a knuckle it plays the exact same note as the opening of Runaway by Kanye West. Like unbelievably so. I've gutted I didn't video it.

We went to the Trafford centre just before we hit the motorway the next day. The food court was something else, it had everything you can imagine. Anything you would be likely to find at one of these places and more. And then a Spud U Like. I can't imagine (firstly) spending money on a jacket potato and secondly choosing to go to this place over the absolute wealth of other places there! It's mental. Special kind of people. Maybe it's more mental in my head because I was there on the day looking around at all the different places. I couldn't believe it.

This brought me back though, bang into that to be fair.

I feel like I'm constantly like a week behind with Wickedland stuff at the minute. Like even more at points, I'm due to catch up, so I'll post some more shit this week, keep an eye out!

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK 010

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - MIRANDA HART

As much as I dislike our Miranda Hart she serves a great purpose in my life. She is a yardstick. She's a great way to work out if you're going to like someone before going through the bother of having to get to know them. Much like asking someone what they think of The Office or if they ever went on a family skiing holiday as a kid. Ask them what they think of Miranda, speed the process up. If they enthuse then get out, it's not worth the hassle. Fake an important phone call and walk away. If not, they might one day become a really important friend in your life.

What is it about her? Her basic brand of comedy? The way she literally looks like the physical embodiment of the word 'dull'? or is it her mono-tonal, defeated voice that crawls out of her mouth like a terminally ill fart? I just don't know, but whatever it is she is repulsive. Try and imagine getting your head around how she come to have a career in comedy, firstly, and secondly her own sitcom paid for and green lighted by the BBC. That's fucking baffling isn't it? How did she ever come to that? Her fucking agent is a miracle worker.

And she's a growing problem. When I went to Scotland a couple of weeks ago I bought a copy of Total Film. After thumbing through it I saw the soon to be in cinemas 'Spy' getting a decent review. That fat bird from Bridesmaids and This Is 40 is in it. I like her. She is funny. I thought to myself I would quite like to see that. Then I saw the trailer. I saw that massive fucking human jacket potato Miranda is in it and my piss boiled. If she isn't in a new film I want to see she is on the panel of a late night quiz show I accidentally catch a bit of. I can't fucking stand Miranda Hart.

MAD AT MAX

I feel like absolute shit. I haven't smelt anything in days. It's crap being ill. Ah well, some small children have cancer, I've got a cold. I can't feel that sorry for myself can I.

Tom had a BBQ for his birthday the other week. He always gives it stacks about how his mum is an awesome cook. She made a load of stuff for it, the main event being these sausage rolls with caramelised onions in. Are you fucking nuts? Do you know how insanely good these were? I had to fire off a 4 part appreciation tweet.

These are pretty sick. Available from TJs supermarket on the highstreet. AKA the best shop in Leicester.

I went to see Mad Max. I knew it was a risk. Max enthused massively about it and urged me to see it on the big screen to do it justice. I'm sort of dismissive of a lot of Sci Fi stuff, it's really not my favourite genre. Although as Max said when he was telling me how good it was it isn't really Sci Fi, it's set in the future, so I gave it a bang.

I don't think i've ever been so bored in my life. Have you seen it? they spent about 5 minutes detailing the characters at the start of the film and then the remaining two hours was just a car chase with loads of explosions. I didn't have any empathy for any of the characters, I wasn't at all invested in any of them and didn't care if they died. Given that the whole movie is these guys risking their lives it was a bit flawed. It was the same old shit over and over again, literally just a car chase through the desert. Bang up there with the most boring films I've ever sat through. As the film reached it's climactic final scene you'll never guess what they went for. As the big finale to the epic? Obviously a car chase with explosions through the desert again. Fucking gutted I wasted my evening on it.

Quick dead pigeon. Always.

I saw this woman on the phone like this the other day hahaha it really got me. Why? You're just making your life harder than it needs to be for no reason.

My friend Steph invited me along as her +1 to a press night at Grillstock. It's a new BBQ restaurant that's opened up in St Martins Square. It was like an open night with live music, free booze and food basically getting a load of local bloggers and press to talk about it and drum up some attention.

The food was crazy, I can't wait to go back and really go for it. We had these little sample pots of loads of different stuff and like bits of cheese burgers with pulled pork on and shit.

This cheeseburger had pulled pork in it. It was awesome.

They were throwing free cocktails at us, we ended up drinking these like peach ice teas with rum in them. We were both pretty drunk by the end of the night haha.

That's all for now, I'll be back later in the week with a load of stuff from London and Manchester. WICKEDLAND