WATCH THE BAND, NOT YOUR PHONE

Edit - I wrote this a few months back so the lineage may be a little off, but I think my point is still largely relevant.

I feel so glad that I experienced live music before the age of the camera phone. I'm so glad I got to experience a few really special moments in crowds where everyone around me screamed the lyrics at the top of their lungs, bounced around and fully lived the moment. I don't know if it's partially because my taste in music has changed a little, or if it's because I don't bop to gigs with a bunch of rowdy 16 year olds, but crowds at shows just aren't what they used to be. You are almost made to feel a dickhead for not wanting to stand still throughout. I feel the main reasons for this being the case are camera phones.

I recently went to see Jay Z at the O2, an artist who I have been a big fan of for as long as I remember. I don't know if it's down to his appearance at Glastonbury, or people wanting to go and see Beyonce's husband or simply because an artist of Jay Z's stature is a public figure, but it didn't really feel like a gig. Not as I know it anyway. He simply isn't niché enough to attract a crowd solely made up of hardcore fans who want to enjoy the music. His wide appeal is the reason he can fill arenas. Sure, he took to the stage and performed songs, and it was amazing but the crowd was static. Everybody around me was statuesque trying to get the best photo/bit of footage of him. Everyone was constantly Snapchatting. Spending their time (at a show they paid upwards of £80 to attend) collecting media that effectively disappears. Why bother enjoying a show when you could get some likes on Instagram instead, right? A song would drop in and people would reach for their camera phones so that they could film the entire song. People viewed the entire show through a little screen, stood as still as possible, as a musical legend stood but metres away from them. It was heartbreaking.

I'm not alone in my annoyance. The Yeah Yeah Yeah's (among plenty of other acts) have often been sighted calling people up on using camera phones at shows. Earlier this year signs were posted on the doors to shows reading "Please do not watch the show through a screen on your smart device/camera. Put that shit away as a courtesy to the person behind you and to Nick, Karen and Brian." There has also been reports of them stopping mid song to tell people to put their phones away.

Maybe I agree with this sort of behaviour because I was kind of spoilt with live music when I was in my teens. Walking distance from my house in Leicester was a small music pub called the Princess Charlotte. For anybody who has not heard of it, it's one of those pubs that bands play on the way up, often being retrospectively mentioned by artists as one of their favourite gigs they've played. The capacity was only 250, so the only people who got tickets were people who really wanted to see the bands. I saw some really great bands there when uk guitar music wasn't solely marketed at girls. They were all sweaty, loud, boisterous affairs, the sound used to bounce around the room. I think being privy to this sort of action has made me expect more from crowds as life goes on. I live in constant disappointment.

Flash forward to the Jay Z show and I'm stood behind some idiot filming unwatchable footage on her iphone, which is held aloft her senseless head as some sort of trophy. Worse still, she has one of those ridiculous miami vice-esque leather cases that flops open, further obscuring the view of anyone behind her. Do you think she values that clip? Do you think she enjoyed it after she filmed it? Do you think she shown her friends an unstable, digitally zoomed in video with inaudible sound and they were dazzled by what she had filmed? It boils my fucking blood. Everyone around her filmed the same fucking clip. If you're that desperate to re live it just go on YouTube and search for it. I guarantee it'll be there, everyone else was filming it too.

I think we live in an age where people will fork over stupid cash just to say they've done something. To say they've been somewhere. Bragging rights. With the social media era we live in people rarely enjoy things without having to post and tell the world about them, and this is killing live music. Sure, I'll get a photo when the artist comes out, but after a few seconds my phone goes away. It upsets me that most of these kids wont know that feeling I felt when I left the Charlotte after seeing the Cribs. Absolutely exhausted, elated, covered in sweat and leaving my voice behind. The memories sweeten in my mind as time wears on, I do not need some awful footage to re live it. I stand at the front of gigs thinking that's where the real fans will be, screaming their lungs out to the entire set, when infact it's where the Instagram obsessed 17 year old girls are, who feel they have a right to be posted front and centre as they queued up since the early afternoon to be as close as possible to whoever the magazines are telling them to fancy that week. These same dickheads recently did their best to ruin an Arctic Monkeys gig for me, and I'm sure they'll do the same when I try to see J Cole in a couple of weeks. Maybe I'm asking for it by going to see global artists on stadium tours. I certainly know what I'm getting myself into but it doesn't stop me leaving shows muttering my same defeatist mantra over and over again underneath my breath; Everybody's an idiot.

ODDS AND SODS

Here are a few drawings I've had knocking about for a while that I've been meaning to scan in. 

TENERIFE WITH TOM

Hello!!! I went away last week to sunny Tenerife with Tom. It was pretty good, here is what we got upto!

We made this sandcastle. Lol joke, some tramp guy did. There were loads up and down the beach, this was the best one.

Beach towel season. You into that or what?

Beer was €0.95 out there. Almost everywhere. I paid €2.30 for this bottle of water and €3.20 for a can of coke. Never been so gutted not to be a beer drinker in my life.

These African blokes were everywhere selling fake watches, sunglasses and occasionally wooden horses. The greatest and most elegant of all the holiday impulse buys, ornamental wooden horses.

The view from our balcony was pretty good. You could see riiiiight to the other beach which was a couple of miles away, and the mountains on the right.

I fucked it badly man. I got really sunburnt thighs. They were so so dry and swollen. They blistered up after a few days.

I read this while I was away. I don't know if you know but years after OJ Simpson was found not guilty of the murder of his ex Wife Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman he wrote a 'hypothetical' confessional called 'If I Did It' (The 'If' cleverly greyed out on the front cover) detailing his relationship with his wife, what happened on the night of the murder, the aftermath, everything.

Controversially it was ultimately published by the families of the deceased after a lengthy courtroom battle to try and stop the publishing. Seriously, it was completely gripping and fascinating. It had a foreword from the guy who ghost wrote it talking about how OJ would correct little (seemingly) irrelevant details from the fateful night, clearly illustrating those events actually took place and were not so hypothetical at all. I've never read a book like it, I sat up and read nearly all of it in one sitting one night, it was a real page turner, if you are into true crime I cannot recommend it highly enough.

We bought a volleyball to pump around on the beach and in the sea. It fucking ripped after one day. Dogshit. I ceremoniously popped it on our second day. It was holding us back.

These two were wearing the same outfits. Shit photo, but it looked funny, like the woman was doing a sarcastic dress rehearsal impression of him.

Tom enjoying a lovely paella from some tapas place we went to. I say lovely, I can't stand seafood.

I had this grilled chicken with some really nice meatballs. It was so blackened and delicious.

Pedro with a not-so-catchy hashtag on the side of a water bottle.

Chill Out! We never went in but every time we walked past we told the waiter to CHILL OUT! in a really sarcastic tone. I think he hated our guts, but just CHILL OOOUT

Some showerman business Italian place. This pizza was absolutely insane, covered in bacon and peppers. The waitress was saying their steaks were great and given the grade of this dinner we decided to go back later in the week.

Another sexy beach towel. I was I saw this piece of shit first.

We went on some boat trip to look at some whales. I've never been so underwhelmed by animals ever, but the actual boat was fun, we got to jump off it into the sea and swim and whatever. It was a pretty sick day.

Tom is actually a pro driver, it was mad. People were clapping him as he dived in off the boat hahaha. This little kid was 8 years old and doing backflips. His brother said he could do corkscrews too.

I asked his dad where he learnt it and his dad said he didn't know. Then his mum let slip that he does flips all the time as 'splash kids' or something. Obviously goes to a diving class or something, his form with the backflip was perfect. His dad was a lying dick, trying to act like his son had just magically acquired this perfect form and athleticism out of nowhere.

This was the fucking spot. Every night we went to this place to chill. They had 42 different flavours, I think I tried like 8/9 as the week wore on. It was open late every night so after dinner we would go get an Ice cream and hit the free wifi haha.

Me boxing off a quick strawberry cheesecake one. Other highlights included Oreo, Bubblegum, Ferrero Roche, all them sort of styles there

This was in a little park across from our hotel, with our second ball we bought (far better than that piece of shit from earlier in the post).

Both days we went for a knockabout in the park a kid of 8 years old started joining in playing with us. We joked about setting up an under 8's team. This kid Serg was a bit skilful and had a couple of tricks where as Madil (pictured) was really good at passing and receiving the ball haha. It was odd how much better than 8 year old English kids they were.

That ice cream parlour taking it back to 1924

I tried to make to movie happen again with this chicken from some other place, it just wasn't up to scratch. It was nice, but nothing on how good that other chicken was. We ate out literally every night haha

YUNG WOP ON A SHO ONE

The police were kind of sick you know. They bomb up and down the seafront on these things hahaha. Armed and everything

This guy was a Magician and on multiple occasions when we were having a drink or food at a place he would pop up and perform a few really basic tricks for change. They got so exhausting and boring by the end of the week. Watching the people who were seeing it for the first time be enthusiastic. Imagine how the waiters must feel if I was bored of it after a week, poor fuckers.

This guy was the biggest twat I saw all week. When we were at that Tapas place with the good chicken he was at the Italian place with the Bacon pizza (same place we are at here) and one of those African come over to sell him a watch. All week we had just been politely saying no and they fuck off. This guy made such a scene, through his chair backwards onto the ground and stood up in the guys face and told him to fuck off. The african didn't flinch an inch and I guess it startled this guy a bit, he obviously didn't have the bollocks or the intension to hit the guy, despite what he wanted everyone around him to think.

During our second dinner in his wonderful company he did his best to ruin it with his loud, broad southern accent gobbing on about the education system and belittling his parents. He reeled off a story about how the jetski instructor asked if he was proffesional in almost identical vain to the IT technician in the Office. Absolute top prick.

The dinner was bang on though, this was our final meal, when we took that lovely waitress up on her offer of the steaks. It might have been the most delicious steak I had ever had. They brought another table over for us haha, we were eating big.

Little treat we laid on for everyone else in the hotel as we left.

Some granddad going on overly shower faced in the Ed Hardy drop when we touched down at Birmingham.

This was funny. We sat waiting for Toms Dad to come and pick us up and watched people struggling with this trolley machine. You put a quid in, one of the trolley lanes lights up meaning the front trolley in that lane has been unlocked and you can wheel it off. People couldn't grasp it, and as we tried to help them they didn't say thanks after so we fucked it off and watched people struggle and get frustrated and put money in and try and drag locked trollies off for about half an hour.

That was it! We didnt really booze much because there wasn't much boozing to be dine, there were literally no bars. We just spent every day playing football, chilling on the beach and eating in nice restaurants. It was pretty fucking sweet all in all.

NEW PODCAST: 056 - WHILST THE WORLD CUP WAS ON

Back after a little while off talking about some of our favorite stories that came to our attention whilst the World Cup was on. Tulisa's lips, the Magaluf girl, Beiber Watch, a guy who reeeally enjoys popping candy and plenty more on this weeks Wickedland podcast

 

I AM IT

Another quickie from the plane home!

RELAX OUT

Did some drawing while I was away, here is the first of a few

AM I A DICKHEAD THEN YEAH

First thing first I've spent today thinking. I realised that events in my life over the last couple of years and the people I surround myself with are making me grown into a really cynical, bitter, hateful and quite spiteful person. I live my life happily everyday and I am completely fine with the fact that I've changed somewhat since a few years ago. It doesn't really bother me on a day to day basis. There are some really sweet, kind people in my life who I feel like I take for granted and lash out at all the time, from family members to close friends to acquaintances and I kind of feel bad for it today. Some people genuinely have such kind souls and despite the way I treat them they put up with me. If you're reading this and you think this is relatable then it's you I am talking to. Thank you, I appreciate it more than you know, today I'm seeing very clearly.

ANYWAY INTO THE WICKEDLAND! See what they do at Tesco? get you fucking hooked and then hike the price up. £2.63 for the bar? That's a liberty isn't it? So much for a bar of chocolate.

Am I a dickhead then yeah? Look at this hat. This whole bait faux rich thing needs to stop right now. Digitally printing some find art on to a fucking snapback. Thanks for this Jay Z, he if you never started pretending that classic art was cool for young rich urban people to like we wouldn't be stuck in this mess.

Shout to Pete every time bang bang Wickedland gang.

This is shocking isn't it. Does that look like a fucking express lane basket you utter cunt? No? Get in the fucking proper lane then. Disgusting simple minded behaviour. Mental laziness.

While I'm at it who did my mans trim. Madness.

Arsenal fans are wasting no time. This was the day before the signing was announced.

Life is so so sweet sometimes. Do you ever walk into your local Tesco express and just see 13 of your favourite pasta pot for 20p each down from £2.00? I'm very happy. I've ate 3 a day for the last 3 days and the rest are in my freezer. Sundried tomato and feta cheese, with this delicious vinaigrette on it, it's fucking divine. 

James (Germany) won against Tom (Argentina) in the Wickedland World Cup sweepstakes. Pocketed a nice £70.

DEEEEEEEE PIZZZZJEEEEERN DI PIZJERN

Can we stop with these hashtag T-shirts now please? Seriously, they're popping up everywhere. The whole way a hashtag works is that all the words are spaceless, this is just nonsense.

See this fat prick yeah. I'm stood at the counter in Peri Peri and he walks up next to me knocking my elbow. I apologised, just being polite and british and he sighed and rolled his eyes. I laughed and asked him if it wasn't a 50/50 situation and he just looked at me without saying anything with his eyebrow raised as if he couldn't believe my cheek! The whole situation was surreal.

Shit photo, I don't think you can quite appreciate the windiness of this outfit. Red Leather pointed boots and a yellow linen shirt with the showerman collar with like the Indian detail on it. Deeeeeper style, say nothing. 

I feel like the way humans interact with each other is changing. Everyone is flashy and wants attention for simply existing and I don't really get why. Maybe there have always been flashy cunts and now I'm at an age where they're starting to do my head in.

This guy walked in being so loud and was apologising for not being on time to collect his phone order. He was showing the guy behind the counter his phone saying he had 1% and if he rang to say he was running late it would have died. Then he goes 'Have you got iphone charger behind there? Yeah? Do the right thing mate' and hands his phone over the fucking counter. Utter disbelief. Shadrack said there are no games, and John Burke said there are no rules.

Speaking of no rules here are two taxi drivers (not a racist generalisation I see them every single day) stood down the road chatting from a couple of car park attendants stood up the road chatting next to a black cab parked on double yellows. And I'm the dickhead in this situation looking for a ticket.

This guys shirt was so so sick today. Load of people dressed dead nicely bopping around town cos all the DMU students are graduating. I see them all out having a lovely day with their families all dressed up smart and I feel kind of sad that I didn't attend my graduation ceremony.

I made no secret that I hated uni, most of the people there and nearly all of the tutors and I wanted to distance myself from the whole set up as soon as possible. When they told me I had a plus 1 to the graduation ceremony and I basically had to choose between my mum and dad it was the final straw.

DMU really was a shithole and I hated my time there but I wish I got to give my parents a photo of me in my cap and gown, everyone in town looked like it was one of the best days of their lives.

That's your lot! I wanted to get a 'While The World Cup Was On' podcast sorted this week but I couldn't get the team together. As of tomorrow I'm on Holiday with Tom in Tenerife. I'll make sure I get some stuff sorted to post when I'm back.

Catch you soon, Wickedlanders.