Monday, 30 November 2009


SO the third leg was beginning, we went back from bali to singapore then from singapore to australia, there for 2 and a half weeks, then back to singapore for one night, then home.
my mums suitcase looked alot like a face.

we had to spend about 2 hours in the singapore airport, because there wasnt really much point going out into singapore for that little amount of time. there was alot of shops and that to look in there, internet and shit. i saw this t-shirt there which sums up alot about what i said about the laws. if you get caught spitting, you get a $100 fine (around £60)
when we got to australia, after the shittest flight ever we chilled for a day and had a bbq that night. it was very meaty and nice. the flight was shit because for some reason the plane was so so loud, and it was proper cold on board.
my grandad was bare excited to see us lot, ive never met him. he had been counting down the day. (sye is a nickname that my grandad calls my dad, sandy). 
one night, we watched the bodyguard, i forgot how fucking good that shit is. old kevin running around taking bullets and that. whitney is a bitch in that film too. 
australian tv is a bastard. they dont have to pay tv license, so you end up having adverts every 5 minutes. an episode of the simpsons lasts an hour, the bodyguard was on for 3 hours.
we went to a seaside town called glenelg. it was a proper nice place and the day we went the unseasonably hot heat wave (peaking at around 46 degrees) subsided for a day. it was 32 and lovely. in the background of the photo you can see the jetty, which everyone was jumping off.
holiday ice-cream. i got cherry ripe (a popular chocolate bar, in australia of american import, kind of like strawberry ruffle, but cherry) flavour ice cream, and mango sorbet.  
we saw a push chair, with a baby in just in the middle of the square on its own, as we sat and watched, the mother walked over after chatting to her mate about 30 yards away, and just acted like this was normal shit. people (like these pictured walking in the direction of the push chair were just looking around thinking whhaaaaaaaaaaaaat)
beach boys going for a jog.
also, in australia, there was loads and loads of flies. everyone who is local learns to just chill with them landing on their bodies, but it was the most unbearable thing imaginable. you know like when you watch oxfam advert, and you have the little pop bellied african kids with flies just chilling on there faces? it was like that.
on the drive back from the beach that day, i bit the excess skin on my knuckle the whole way. when i got out the other end about 45 minutes later, the bit was really white and hard. and when i bent my finger, it was really stiff and didnt really sit properly. it was tight for about another hour or so.
where my granddad lives, its some small suburb place called blakeview, just outside Adelaide. the place was fucked, statistically australia is fatter than the u.s these days, and the people in the local area, if they were now obese, they dressed in basketball tops and shorts with matching lace socks with bows and ribbon on the front. the whole little town revolved around this mall that was full of discount shops, called things like "cheap as chips" and "go low"

i collected photos of different products that i saw while in shops in australia, here is my compilation.

p.k gum, that i havent seen here for fucking years. i was looking for the dope licorice flavour one, but they didnt have it.
pokemon caaaaards.......
coon cheese................ surely, when the company pitched the idea to call the cheese coon, somebody in the boardroom held back from just making themselves known, and telling the board of directors that coon is infact a racist term. instead, he just sat back, let the idea roll on, until eventually you have people like me photographing that shit and taking the piss out of it.
biscuits called afghans. ha ha ha
supernatural sports energy drinks, with john cena and triple h on the bottles.
they had a good different selection of hats in cheap as chips. security. secure. safe. 
in retrospect, i have no idea why i didnt buy this. i might even look for it on the net somewhere, i bet its fucking amazing.

bomba energy drink, comes in a glass grenade.
Grubb carbonated drinks. how the fuck do you like that shit bitch?
hot dogs vacuum packed and in a plastic tray. the expiry date for these was 06/2011, and thats fucking meat and bread. who the fuck could eat that shit? can you imagine what must be in it? fuck that.
so thats shopping in australia. also, i saw this, and it made me piss. how fucking lazy have you got to be not to bother lifting the lid up? hahaha, proper aussie ronnie way of thinking, just cut a hole in the top.
even though it was 45c and unbearably hot outside, it was still getting to be christmas over there. the strangest thing, being a brit, and it being that hot, but when you go into a shop everyone is wearing santa hats.
however, they did have cheesecake donuts that had caramel icing on the top, and cheesecake mix for a filling. the best thing ever. a napper; just eat it and then have to take a nap. brilliant.
BONZA!!! RIPPEROOO!!!! THROW ANOTHER SHRIMP ON THE FUCKING BARBIE MATE!!!  rose turned into an australian nationalist.
the children's television thing. it would seem australia is sort of like Britain in the mid 1990's before the suns name and shame campaign. pedophiles are still relatively undiscovered.

one day, we got the bus into the next town down called Elizabeth. it had a few shops, a funny little sort of car boot sale (where rose bought a puzzle that my mum and two sisters could not complete for the duration of the holiday) and that was about it. with our bus ticket, you could jump on the train and got how i wish i didnt.

one of the worst things ive ever seen, on these trains in became apparent to me that all the things i had heard about the drug problems and that in the area were true. the insides of the trains were covered with crap graffiti and broken seats, and people sitting in the seats were all fat and fucked out of there heads. we seen two guys sat together, and for the entirety of the journey, one guy just didnt shut the fuck up, and the other guy didnt say a word, just looked straight through him. there was a guy up the carriage drinking diet coke (obviously with something else in it) and going "always coca cola...ahh, i needed that, refreshing.)

then these fucking abbo's got on, and i didnt think they were as bad as i had been told, but they were worse! they were drinking wine out of a box, popping pills and singing songs about how they raped white girls yesterday, and mugged the man she was with. when we got off the train, my sisters (who were sat backwards to me, facing the abbo's at the back of the train) said they had big kitchen knifes out waving them around while they were singing. it was fucking mental.  
people were fucked in australia, really. while we were waiting around we popped into cash generators to see if it was the same fucking rank crack den as ours is. it was. seriously, how fucking odd do you have to be to dress your 7 year old daughter in a t-shirt that reads "psycho bitch"???

whatever, out of hicksville, we went into the city (Adelaide) and to the zoo! i saw some wickedland animals, and meerkats and that.
there were nice birds too.
zoo is trampy though innit, full of smelly animals and that. so whatever would possess you to make you march around barefoot?
said our goodbyes to my grandad at the airport, and we were on our way to going home. i saw a woman wearing a t-shirt that said "desperate swisswives". i thought this was pretty funny given that people go to switzerland for assisted deaths and i bet alot fo swiss wives help out with that shit.
another thing, burger king is called hungry jacks out there. we got one at the airport while we were waiting, and they got a delivery and pallet looked magical. i was thinking imagine if you could swipe a box of them burgers. just keep hanging around and cook them in about 2 minutes flat.
from there, we went onto singapore for one night, we went to some restaurant where you have to cook your own food!!!! it was fucking mental, they bought out my raw chicken, and i had to cook it on a hot stone. how modern. it was actually really really nice, and i really enjoyed it, the chicken was delicious. 


oh yes, oh yes. i didnt forget. i was watching. i had my eyes open, and this is what i found. the guy who presents their version of ready steady cook, he is such a fucking horrible creep. lerk everett. i watched the show twice (funnily enough, one woman who was on it the second time had her family with her in the studio from "leicester, in the middle of england.") and every time there was a youngish girl, he just got so into her personal space, asking bare questions and just being overly fucking camp. crreeeeeeep. personal space invader, he was just one of them people who had no idea of how to read peoples signals. everyone shied away from him as he approached them, and he would just do shit like ask people questions and then when they started answering the question, he would just start talking to someone else. i recorded the clip underneath, give it a watch.

so there we have it, my trip around the world. i got back home, and it was -3c in london. from 45c to -3c in a day, its all of a sudden fucking freezing. got back, seen valena, and the next day she cooked me some reaaal nice breakfast. the rubicon tasted so nice, i hadnt had that shit in a month.
also, these have started going back up in lesta. as if "art is my hustle" on the floor near the quay wasnt bad enough. i wish this shit would just fuck off, seriously, there is no place for it in this world. fuck off fuck off. 
well thats it, a whole months worth of wickedland, from 4 different countries. i was drawing a fair bit while i was away, so in the next couple of days i will scan some drawings and get them on. thankyou for reading!

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