Thursday, 28 April 2011


this is a page from my macmillan childrens book entry. my book is called greedy fish, and its a semi-autobiographical work about obesity. ill post some more up tomorrow i think.


Wednesday, 27 April 2011


is the best invention ever. fuck the wheel. i can send an email further than a wheel could travel in fucking milli-seconds. fuck an email in fact, whatever i want. here are some things i didn't find on a wheel this week.

still, hold tight wheels because they make this first video possible. ive seen photos of this shit before, but to see a video of it is fucked. it looks fucking bad. imagine being there?

i put this up yesterday on facebook and must have watched it 10 times since. pure funny. he tells the story really well. BALLIN' LIKE IM BO DIIIDDLY!!!!

also this too. i saw a couple of people posting links to it yesterday and wanted to check out what it was. basically some mad patient guy built a massive sculpture out of 100,000 toothpicks, and it took him 35 years. here is this article.

it reminded me of this if you have never seen it. loooooooooooooooooooool

cheers for reading!

*edit, just watched this with jimlad, seemed relevant.

Tuesday, 26 April 2011



she does my fucking head in. continually coming on my fucking tv, singing shite karaoke songs, and being sort of bald. in that stupid little shit stripped top that she never seems to change too. its annoying because it seems as if paid some tramp to design their identity, the company blew up a little bit and they could never be bothered to change it into something a bit better, they just went and animated the little drawing. watching there adverts are like putting your senses in prison, i will not be sold anything by anyone who has exactly the same number of hairs as they do eyelashes. besides, i swear down its a man and not a woman, and i know for a fact I'm not the only one. apparently 'her' name is cara. cara the karaoke cunt.

i found a couple of really good things on the internet today so ill stick them up tomorrow. SEEME

Monday, 25 April 2011


ive had a mental busy week, been doing loads of fun shit. its dawned on me today i have less than a month to scrape together a degree. gonna start getting real real busy tomorrow, despite all my friends being off work, the sun being out and not enjoying what I'm doing. 'ooooh its so hard being a student doing fuck all all day and getting loads of free money' listen to me moan ay.

so i went to london to visit max and stay with valena for a while. i met max in mcdonalds and i noticed nobody peels off the little monopoly stickers in london. left right and centre people weren't bothered about getting more, free mcdonalds. i told this guy to peel it off and he won a free ice cream sundae. i dont think he really got it.

also, it was so fucking hot and delicious. i dont understand this shit. what is it? as soon as you buy a leather jacket you have to wear it all the time? idiots, it must had been around 26c this day.

we went and chilled in a little park all day long. it was wonderful.

we spoke to the asian women who was a professional dog walker. as her dog trotted over to two Muslim women sat on the grass they hurriedly got up and ran off. so we quizzed her about it and she said that Muslims cant touch dogs, we laughed; doubted it, she argued she was right, then walked off.

we researched it and its mental. we didn't really get a definite answer, but loads of mad shit like if a muslim touches a dog they have to wash there hands ten times in soil and water. thats effort. when you think about it, religion is fucking priceless.

smug little london cat.

us three went for nandos for dinner, max walked in, got himself a knife and fork and some napkins and didn't think to pick any up for me and jamie.

in the top left of this shot you can see a chappy stood on a sort of balcony. this bloke was just watching over the little shopping and eating establishment strip where the nandos was. he reminded me of like a spanish guy who is paying off the police and running drugs up and down the strip, and has a brilliant little balcony spot to overlook the lot. he was constantly on the phone. the horn. the fucking blower. the dog and bone. after this i went round to valenas.

the big show, like the rock and triple H is in a film now.

levi roots is soon going to be a zuckerberg/lord sugar guy, is there nothing he cannot sell?

there is an asda about ten minutes away from valenas house, and we went there to get stuff for a picnic. i went tits, and got literally all the best stuff. i love asda so much.

she got on that lion bar cereal and was snacking on it. thats fine, its that good.

these were unbelievable too. just enough white chocolate. all in all a great picnic. the best thing was we didn't nearly finish all the food, so we had loads of unreal snacks left over for the duration of my stay.

it was reaaal nice weather, i sat and looked at a book about lucian freud in a sun lounger one morning. its mental how much the sun changes my mood. i probably couldn't have gave a shit about looking through that book any other day of the year, but with the sun out i was so fulfilled.

we (me, valena, her mum and her uncles girlfriend) sat and painted easter eggs too, that was pretty fun. we were dying them in cups of this dye stuff, then marbling metallic colourful paints onto them. they looked fucking bad.

colourful shit, say nothing.

i spotted the still black grape everywhere in london. it must be coming through and getting big. i had another little bottle, this time dead cold. it went down a fucking treat, dead smooth and sweet.

also this, 69p from that great little shop i mentioned last time i went down. somehow.

i seen a wicked african guy on the underground wearing a all in one floral print thing. this was the best photo i could get as i was using my back up phone.

after leaving valenas i went out for a night on it with some of the lads. geo was down for the night, and a friend of max's and jamie's, rich was about too. i folded a nice napkin from mcdonalds for jamies pocket. he weren't into it.

this guy was reading from a kindle and wearing a t-shirt that said 'congratulations, you have gone up one reading level.' i dont know why i found this funny or ironic now, i just thought it was odd. maybe he is so into reading that he wears reading t-shirts and when he heard the kindle was coming out and he didn't have to carry all his books around he practically shit his pants with excitement.

or maybe YOUR reading level has gone up, simply by seeing him with a kindle.

we ended up going to fabric, dj slimzee played a 2002 grime set hosted by mighty moe, and caspa headlined. todd edwards was meant to be there too but was cancelled.

we stood on the balcony over looking the dancefloor for a bit. we fucked it, and got there way too late. the lights were mental, and looked like some portal you could walk down or some shit.

started to go mental.

we were stone sober going into the club just because of how late we left it, and the drinks prices were fucking crazy. me and jamie walked to an off licence around the corner and sat and had some drinks outside. i got very drunk. we also saw the homosexual grime artist dream mclean going into fabric, but didn't bother getting a photo because nobody cares.

here is rich making his wicked-land debut. he told me he enjoyed reading and gave me a few pointers and ideas.

look at this jumped up 'oooh i can light up' street cone. its not really about lighting up.

yo logan jack em, this ones a percy ingle!!!!!!

popped through some weird little market on our way to the park on saturday. there was some genius shit for sale.

football chilling style. the weather was unbelievable again. for some reason we kept attracting weirdos wanting to play with us. one swell head african guy with a wooden leg, and one lurk 50+ indian bloke in a full suit, with bare feet.

we got some unreal rain too. like did you see how sodden and waterlogged the pitch was for the chelsea vs west ham game? that wasn't too far from us. it was so so heavy for so long.

as much as i love blazing sunshine, i love to stand and watch heavy rain, and my favourite smell is when its been so hot for days and the rain kicked up the dust off the ground. my favourite. that smell was so thick at first, it was great.

a load of us went to the clarendon to watch the game on sunday. some genius people were inside.

this woman brought both her dogs in, wearing bandanas, swiftly drank a pint of Guinness and black, like serious quick, sprayed her ears with perfume and left. wowza.

bank holiday boozing ting. republic.

the normal shit wasnt working for our single team members so they tried the whole 'dress like a cunt and score' tactic that seems to be working for many a rolled-up-jeans-glasses-with-no-lenses guy. still no luck. fuck this cruel world.


all red faced and pissed.

i thought it was so kind of republic to put this on. not to be missed. prince william will be doing a live PA on the night throwing t-shirts out.

thanks for reading, ill name and shame a wasteman of the week tomorrow!