THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE PERI

I've proper got back into galaxy cookie crunch recently. It's so so delicious i wanna melt it and drink it just to get as much of it inside me as possible. How are we all doing? I'm glad you've come back.

At The Music Cafe the other night I went down to see Kama and Teeps do a quick set. They were playing The Warriors on the big projection screens. Nothing is as good as The Warriors. Nothing makes me want to be in a gang more than The Warriors. Fuck bloods and crips and all that shit, fuck it all. Fuck MS13 with their tattooed faces. THIS is the coolest shit. I wanna wear the same clothes as my friends and roll to other area codes looking for trouble.

FOOTBALL IS BACK! IT'S GREAT! Liverpool kicked off the season with a 1-0 win against Stoke, and they looked really good. I got a big Peri Peri to watch it with.

Saturday night I went to my cousin Jordan's 21st birthday party. It was a really good laugh, I drank a lot of Kopparberg.

On the way back to his I went into a garage. Look at this never ending amazing selection of confectionary. a true thing of beauty. This garage didn't sell any alcohol. What is the point of being open so late?

I enjoyed this womans face in mcdonalds with Tom. The way she was eating her chips was very entertaining for my hungover brain.

This shit is all getting too much for me. Cats. Cats everywhere, all the time. As ever, advertisers have looked to what is popular with young people on the internet and mimicked it. I've honestly had enough. Seeing a cat bound along isn't at all entertaining for me. It irritates me. I hate them.

Had a top notch sunday dinner round Nats that night. She does the best stuffing, it's so chewy and crispy on the outside. It was sick. Everyone I know thinks I don't like roasts, and it's pure like I've been misquoted. I do, i really like them but I think for the effort they take to make there are far better meals that I prefer. People nationwide should eat fajitas every sunday as they are obviously far more delicious. Fuck tradition and being English and all that shit, fuck it all. Just admit other countries food is infinitely better than ours and move on.

Jennifer Metcalfe. It's not a joke is it. The very best in the entire world. I'd love to take a tape measure to her and get some numbers wrote down.

I've had a good week for Peri, I think I've been 5 times since this time last week. Like the old days.

I love this guy. He is always near my work in a full suit and some mental oversized sunglasses, regardless of weather. He is too skeng for me and even you.

Peri Peri in town, the dog shit branch are selling lollypops now you will be glad to know. 50p a pop. ...what?

Imagine if you zoomed right in on Darryls face and drew the lit up parts in chalk on white paper. It would be a nice portrait wouldn't it! I like this picture.

I can't work out if I'm into this or not. Those rain cover things for mobility scooters. This guy was chipping, it was like one of those little Leicester Mercury stand things was being blown along by the wind haha

Well there we go. I've got football tonight. I won on Monday and yesterday 3-0 both times, but then I have not won on Thursdays in weeks and weeks. I'm sure you are as excited as I am to see what tonights result will be.

YOLO

SHOEBOX MONEY 2 - OUT TUESDAY 3RD SEPTEMBER

My brand new mixtape is going to be out on Tuesday 3rd September! 15 new tracks with features from Kamakaze, Twisted Pennys, Skitza, Kiwi and Onyx and a production feature from Boy Kid Cloud. Keep your eyes peeled and get down to the launch party at Rockafellas! I'll be performing live and giving away copies on the night.

NEW PODCAST - 26: ROY GRUBBY BROWN

Back with the full team, Max fills us in on what he has been doing while he has been away, we talk hippies and gas, Russia, Area 51, Pakistani television giveaways, and the new Iwoa diet. All this week!

 

EATING GOOD

Are emotions made by your brain and therefore to some extent your own decision? I wonder if they are like habits and after a while you could train yourself out of feeling things.

EVERYONE'S HAVING BABIES! I went over and met Hof and Kelly's beautiful little baby boy, Charlie. He is a right chunk, weighing in at nearly 10 pounds at birth.

Natalie made me a delicious little Beef bourginion last week. Served with new potatoes, it was proper, proper nice. I love red wine in sauces and whatever, I think it goes so nicely with red meat. She always has the nicest greens too.

A couple of days later me and Tom went to Franks new place for pizzas. I had the meatballs to start, Tom had calamari and we shared some garlic bread. It was so light and lovely!

I had this well nice pizza 'diavola' with sausage and onions on it, with these fried med veg and potatoes on the side. Tom had an incredibly selfish sea food pizza and some home made chips on the side. It was very good indeed. The pizzas are made from scratch in a pizza oven, they were crazy nice. pure thin and crispy.

In what sense do you think this bloke considers himself a 'beast'? I see bigger blokes on a day to day basic, and he certainly didn't order the biggest meal you've ever seen. I don't get what sort of person would get this on their shirt. Maybe it's a banter thing with his rugby mates that my brain can't understand.

All onion ring everything at the minute. I can't get enough of the little fuckers, literally lunch and dinner most days. I did this well nice chicken and rice the other day.

I've never seen these before, and of all places they were in one of the polish shops on Narborough road. Kind of sick, I didn't cop but I bet they are pure sugary, like a liquid sweet.

I came across this and it made me laugh. So many questions. my mans facial expression hahahaha

I'm looking back and I've been spoilt for cooking this week! My mum had a joint of pork (my hands just automatically typed 'porn' instead then. that's weird isn't it?) with sage and onion stuffing in it and parma ham wrapped around it. Then she did a bunch of other sunday-roast stuff with it, namely roasted carrots in mustard dressing. oooooolalala.

I think Frank is having a breakdown by the way. He watched a documentary about Hunter S Thompson last week and since then he has started dressing like him and tweeting about being a hippy.

The police can just break the law by the way. Fuck your double yellow line rule. Chill out. Big deal.

Thanks for popping by, we are doing ok.

NEIL HILBORN - OCD

I saw this yesterday on my Facebook feed and gave it a watch. It absolutely blew me away. I think in any form of art there is great power in being completely honest about a subject and letting your guard down. This is a perfect example of that in practice. This guy talks about a girl, and how his OCD (which surfaces and threatens to leave the perfomance in tatters several times) effected his relationship with her. From the start to the end it goes from being so sweet and funny to completely vulnerable and heart breaking. It's such an honest performance and one of the most powerful things I've seen in such a long time, it absolutely left me in pieces.

NEW PODCAST: 25 - HE'S NEVER PISSED IN A CUP

Back against with the guys talking about the whole Ask.fm incident, A public marriage proposal in Connecticut, Supermarkets, Me accidentally giving money to charity, hungry fish in sweden and some Vietnamese blokes larking about in the woods. ALL THIS WEEK 

CARNIVAL BANGERS

So I rolled carnival the other day and naturally there were some good photo ops. Here is what I saw on my day.

I noticed a lot of old asians enjoying the food and whatever. I thought it was sick. I can't imagine how hard it must be for people of older generations to be accepting of other cultures, and I noticed so many old asians fully getting into the spirit of things.

This bloke was just taking his kid for a walk. chill out.

The police were about, begging it all day long.

It's amazing how these cunts can seriously believe that others are the lost ones. Going round rubbing what you believe in peoples faces screams out that these individuals need reassurance about what they believe, do you agree? Look at his face.

Meanwhile this bloke was dressed head (well, shoulder) to toe in green silk, even down to the footwear. Get over it.

I've been sat for like 5 minutes trying to come up with my thoughts on this picture, or something insightful or thought provoking to say about it. I've got nothing. Here is a 6 foot 7/8'' man dressed as a woman. Write your own blog in your heads.

Standardly, it absolutely fucking battered it down.

The food this year was so sick, there seemed to be so much more than previous years. I certainly had the nicest plate I've ever had from the carnival. Me and Jimlad got this jerk pork, it was so tender and soft.

You know how girls wear belts to bring their waists in? Surely this isn't a desired side effect? It's like an accessory purposely designed to highlight how much back fat a person has got. astronomical levels here.

This made us all laugh.

'You Only Live Once' is the motto worn by a battered 50 something stumbling around the Caribbean carnival. I don't think Drake had this in mind when he said YOLO

Carnival now comes with Polish people! Think about it, it's kind of obvious isn't it, why wouldn't they go? In the middle of this bashment area there was a couple, this bloke in his genus suit and glasses and the blonde woman to his right and they were really going mental. I'm sure the woman was off her face, she was all over the place hahaha

All these young boys gathered round to watch this girl shake her ass. I love the pair with their arms round each other at the back like it's a real moment.

I had a very good time.

PUT IT IN YOUR BODY, PUT YOUR BODY IN IT

Drakes new music sounds really good, I can't wait for his new album. VERSACE! How is everyone? Imagine if wicked land was a two way convo. When I ask how people are if you guys genuinely came back to me and let me know. That would be fun.

I saw this girl when I was shopping the other day. legitimate finger mark bruising just above her knee, kinky bitch.

I can't stand this. The whole dance troops practicing in public thing. We get it, you dance. You don't care. You're already exhibitionists by being dancers but go to a fucking studio. There are schools around Leicester where you can rent dance studios for fuck all. This stems from the same culture as buskers thinking they have a right to sing at the top of their lungs in the street. programmes like X factor and Britain's Got Talent have caused this. People with 'talents' performing in public and acting as if they're minding their own business. That just what they were both to do. Fuck off, you won't ever make it professionally, stop wasting all of our time.

This don looked like a cross between Jimmy Saville and Shane Warne, 3 point turning the drop top Vauxhall like a fucking SOLDIER

I saw this bloke in Mcdonalds wearing a Tshirt that was a wall chart for the 2012 world cup. Non of the results were filled in. I kind of liked the idea of this as a souvenir, it seemed really innocent. Imagine being a football fan, and sitting down to this feast of football wearing your special world cup t-shirt where you could record all the results hahaha how sweet.

As ever, huge local news in the Mercury.

McDonalds usually lead the way in technological advances. This wasn't happening. We are living in a dark age. Speaking of charity boxes, I went in to tesco yesterday to pick up some lunch. As I've paid, it came to £4.88, so in a hurry I've walked off and told the lad on the checkout to put the change in the charity box. I took about 5 steps and realised I paid with a tenner, not a fiver. I turned round just in time to see the young lad put it in the box haha. I laugh now.

The sun was so blinding the other day I was riding up this hill with my eyes practically closed. You're all lucky I'm still alive.

The polish are now weighing beer instead and buying it like that. Innovation.

Max tried his first ever Big Mac the other day. Talk about a man of habits, imagine that, first one ever. I say Big Mac, they're fucking tiny now. Such a shame. He was impressed.

iPhone shin pads the other night because I'm fully about that life. On my ItsLavishBitch shit like a million.

We went to Mosh on Friday because Blake and that lot were out. You know the way the booze in Mosh fucks you really bad? Cut to us standing outside smoking cigars. Kind of suits Bradley though innit haha

Mosh was fun, the following morning not so much so. I think about that night and the horrible cocktail of booze, cigars and maryland I put in my body, I don't think I've ever woke up with worse breath.

THANKS GUYS! CARNIVAL STUFF COMING NEXT!

NEW PODCAST: 24 - WOULD YOU RATHER

Second week in a row without cat man Max, so in a Bradley's birthday special the three remaining podcasters are discussing the stem cell burger, Rihanna's lawsuit against topshop, what you would do for a million pounds, sewer problems, carnival and a disappearing knob in the Dominican Republic. All in this weeks WickedLand Podcast!