CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN CRACKER

Yoooooo probably the last post like this before Christmas! Are you wild excited? I'm really not this year, I don't know why. Maybe because I've not finished work for the year. Soon as I do I'll be well in the festive spirit.

We had a fancy dress work Christmas do a couple weeks back. Looking at this photo it's reminding me how long it's been since I posted this shit. It was a sick night out. We went to Nottingham to this weird club with loads of floors and rooms. It must be a fucking nightmare if you lose your friends.

The ceremonious Ian Player annual festive nipple piercing took place.

My photo from last year is still one of my absolute favourite photos I've ever taken.

The upside of having a load of Europeans over here is the sick food places they open up and all the hot babes they bring with them. The downside is occasionally catching people taking those gauky European profile pictures. Casual photoshoots in the street. My new style is just to take a photo of them too.

I had to go to the hospital for the first time ever in my life as a patient. I fell on my arse playing football and the nurse reckons I've fractured my coccyx. It's so painful, but that's another story. When I was at the hospital I was reminded why I never go. It was so packed full of tramps all just being tramps and it was so hot and long. No personal space either. This bloke came as sat next to me and basically sat his daughter on my knee. Look at this shit. Fuck that man, I'm getting annoyed again just looking at this shit. 

I went to Peter with the Beastwang lot to make pizzas for a christmas party. It was really cool. We all ate loads of pizza and had a couple of the Nutella pizzas for desert. As good as you imagine. I was crap at making pizza by the way. I folded my base and fucked it and it wouldn't spread out nicely.

Nandos can be very stressful when people who do not usually go to Nandos go to Nandos. I was there with Max the other weekend and I think an office christmas party came in. Me and Max were waiting to go up and start queuing but these cunts all just gathered around, in no order, blocking the way completely. Look at this fucking mess. You know when you're young and you think you suddenly become an adult and you have everything all figured out? Then you see a gaggle of 40/50 year olds all acting like they don't have a brain between them and realise it's not that simple. Grown ups can be very very thick idiots too.

Nandos have the most mental paintings. I've noticed them before in a couple other restaurants. There's some haunting shit in the Bow E3 one.

Who is this little bloke on this boat. I have so many questions. What do the eyes all over his suit mean? Why has he got his little hands like that. They're like fucking nightmares. Horrible paintings to look at but I'd love to go to an exhibition of them. I'm sure this and the one I'm on about from Bow are by the same guy.

It's the lies with Tesco isn't it. The constant disappointing, deceitful lies. On the other hand the Express near me has 1) just got contactless and 2) got these chocolate doughnuts. Verryyyyyyyyyyyy excited and happy about eating as many of those as possible over Christmas.

Made a beef stew in the slow cooker. I'm fucking out here man. Really taking the slow cooking world by storm. I'm the Connor McGregor of slow cooking and all the mums don't like that I've just stormed in smashing my way through their little set up since day one. Well they better get used to it. I'm going to make a curry in it over christmas and not one of them can stop me.

Brad ripped the sides off of his McDonalds cheeseburger. Between the constant costa coffees and this shit I don't even know him anymore.

I went out for a lovely Christmas dinner with all the lot who I went Outlook with. I didn't even get a photo I was too busy eating. We went to The Font after and even though it was a nice enough night it was really weird, lot's of odd people there. I guess they all go there so horrible people like me won't spend their week mulling over the weird shit they do and then write about it on the internet, but it looks like I slipped through the net motherfuckers.

It was one of those nights where everyone kept interrupting my conversations to ask if I had a Rizla. You know the kind of people I'm talking about. We were stood outside saying our goodbyes and splitting up and this guy burst over and was like "DO YOU WANT TO SEE A MAGIC TRICK?'

Now admittedly he was pretty good, and did some cool shit, but I find that so weird, those magic guys. I remember seeing two guys in Firebug garden a few years back doing trick shuffles and stuff desperately waiting to be approached by people. I don't understand it. He was hanging around outside and praying on people to show his talent to. I guess given our group, girls. Then they all just went away and forgot about him. Is that what he wants? Is he getting what he was looking for out of that exchange? I don't know.

Sandy shown me some pretty cool shop called Tiger in the Highcross. Thinking about it and I pretty much do all of my shopping online these days and I had no idea that this shop even existed. I'm sure you all know about it, it just sells everything and nothing. Stuff for your home, and little gadgets and shit. Really handy little inventions and it's all so cheap. I was saying to Sandy if I worked there and was around that shit all day every day, AND got staff discount I'd clear £100 every month just picking up shit from there. If you're not familiar it's opposite Krispy Kreme, go and be as dazzled as I was.

Listen when you run up in the Apple store you have to bless the iPhones with something calm

I got a load of stickers made up! I want to get some different designs but these are a start.

If you want some I'll 100% have them on me whenever you bump into me, or nip into Wellgosh on the Highstreet or Graff HQ on Humberstone Gate and get some, they're on the counter. Stick them up and send me a photo!

Yesterday some rare trainers were dropping at Wellgosh. Those guys were camped outside to grab them. It started puuuuuure hammering it down yesterday and I messaged Sandy saying all those guys have fucked it. He sent me this back, and said one of them brought a gazebo along. I can't work out if I'm more annoyed or impressed.

That's all your Wickedland. Thanks for reading and have a very Merry Christmas indeed! As usual I've got the annual Wickedland awards coming up soon and new podcasts and shit.

DEAD FOOD PEOPLE HAVE POSTED VOL 3

As time chugs by people continue to post pictures of horrifically dead food on our beloved internet. Big up every hitting my inbox with the screencaps, keep them coming. Here is Dead Food vol.3

NEW PODCAST: 087 - WITH KATEY PARR

This week I'm joined by Katey Parr. Katey is a graphic designer who works for a video game. She told me all about the world of eSports and competitive gaming.

Also, if you want to come and guest on my podcast send a message to 'Wickedland Blog' on Facebook or tweet me @Wickedlander.

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

 

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK: 035

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - CAIN TWOMEY

This Cain guy is one of those people who I see far too often. This year his videos have been fucking everywhere and I find myself sucked in. I'll have mindlessly reached the end of one before I've even noticed I've started to watch one. They usually go a certain way, it's him playing his level headed male self and then with his hair in a slightly different style he will play the part of his needy and erratic girlfriend, Emily.

The really amazing bit is how often these come into my life. People fucking love them and they constantly get posted everywhere all the time. I cannot avoid them. Yet they're all the same. They all have been the same for so very long. They all have the same content, same story arch and obviously they're just him, talking to himself in his house. The viral Facebook video machine loves pushing this shit onto the timeline.

Who is the enemy here though? This Cian lad seems a bit basic, but he seems alright, like a nice enough bloke. About 10 years ago, maybe a little more the popularity of Peter Kays stand up taught me one thing, and that's that the mongs love their comedy to be relatable. Funny can be a byproduct, but as long as they can directly relate to a situation the performer is talking about they'll fucking lap it up and pass it on. He isn't the problem so much as the culture he is pushing.

NEW PODCAST: 086 - WITH MAX BARTON

Back with one of the old regulars this week. Me and Max talk ISIS, the national lottery, Christmas, Donald Trump, DJ Khaled, crocodiles and loads of other shite.

Also, if you want to come and guest on my podcast send a message to 'Wickedland Blog' on Facebook or tweet me @Wickedlander.

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

 

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK: 034

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - RITA ORA

Ahhhh Rita Ora. Rita is someone who has always tip toe'd around the edges of being really annoying. She has that broad, loud London accent. I've come to realise there aren't a lot of accents I find attractive on young women, but the loud, trying-to-be-common-but-still-a-southerner London accent is the one I hate the most. Those girls who shout on the tubes and love Snapchat, Rita Ora has that same voice. It goes straight fucking through me.

She's not even really that annoying. Aside from bodying baaaare guys behind Calvis Harris's back she has never really done anything to catch my attention other than having that accent. Sadly she is now involved with the car that X Factor has become. Also, this genius video got brought to my attention when I was reading some article by Sian Anderson the other day.

In keeping with my recent theme of how mainstream and popular Grime has become, Rita goes on to discuss how she likes Grime music and has been working with and supporting Grime artists. She then goes on to name and identify artists who are not Grime artists, do not identify with the Grime scene at all, and have not really got anything to do with Grime. Embarrassing, clearly just latching onto a buzzword for a desperate attempt to try and ride on the coattails of the scene and appeal to a new audience. It's backfired and now everyone thinks she is even more of a massive bellend than before.

POOR OLD REET

I'M NEVER GOING TO A GRIME RAVE EVER AGAIN

Yoooooooo just a young QUICKERS

Remember at the end of the last post I did I said I bought a slow cooker? Remember I told you I was gonna make a sausage stew? This is that. Fuck all measurements because I only cook if it's loads of food. For this I used 5 big potatos, 4 red peppers, 3 red onions, 3 big carrots,  a pack of green beans and about 900g of sausages. I had some mexican ones from the market.

Then I made a stock and added about 1500ml's water. Retrospectively that was a bit too much, I had to leave it to reduce a bit.

This was after work, after it had been in about 4 hours. It was coming together nicely.

Another 3 hours later

Man, it was absolutely fucking delicious. My slow cooker is a 6.5ltr one, pretty massive, most of them on Amazon were about 3.5ltr. I got 13 bowls of this stew out of the pot haha. I was so so excited when I was making this and all the prep took less than an hour. I want to make a curry or something next.

The following night I went to Crafty. It was fucking exquisite as ever. 

Pre podcast little fuel up mate. Sandy got that chicken burger that's fried in the rice crispys. Very mental

I think the topped fries are my favourite thing to eat in the whole city. I've come to terms with how much I truly love chips, and I'm ok with that. I can't remember what these ones are called but they're my favourite.

I went to Eskimo Dance on Saturday. I've never in my life known something to feel more bittersweet than this night. Like obviously anyone who follows my blog knows how much I love grime music and grime culture. Same way that anyone who isn't in a coma is aware of how big grime is getting now. Songs like German Whip and That's Not Me got absolutely hammered on mainstream radio.

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible, because I know I can ramble on about this shit. Eskimo Dance is a staple of the culture, a dance set up by Wiley baaaack in the day. Grime in the time that I fell in love with it was very underground, very niche and very unappealing. It sounded ugly, so typically the only people who would go to raves were people who were completely in love with the culture. Grime dances were violent and intimidating. Frequently getting locked off because massively brawls would break out or whatever. I remember being at a rave in Sheffield in 09 where someone flashed about a gun on the dancefloor and the party was over before 11pm. It was so so fucking exciting.

Last Saturday felt more like a student night. All the cheeky Nandos boys came out. I saw people cutting shapes, girls on shoulders. It felt like a student night. Not nearly enough roadmen to set the tone and make it uncomfortable. Kano and Ghetts killed it down but aside from that it was very underwhelming. I saw so many people I knew, so many Sophbeck girls. The thing is because grime is no longer niche, this event was open to a far wider audience and everything that was once fun about grime was completely lost. Trilla was shelling it down and all the dorky white little nerds from the shire were just waiting to film JME on their iphones.

Fekky was the special guest (not a grime artist) and his PA (of his non grime tunes) got the biggest reaction of the night. Like me put this in the plainest English; The crowd at Eskimo dance cared more for a PA by a rapper than Wiley, Kano and Ghetto going back to back. I'm never going to a grime rave ever again.

Ok, joking aside now. I really need mandem to stop wearing these tight trackies. Look at that lol bang out of order.

Hit the fucking belly in Tesco. These were on the reduced rack, 25p each. Infinite sunglasses emojis

Had a real moment the other night. I was drunk on my sofa and smashing my way through a bag of Frazzles. It was like everyone knows frazzles are delicious but fuck me, they are really really incredible aren't they. They so so moorish and delicious. Even when I've got one in my mouth I can't help but get another and throw it in. They're sublime.

You know that Asda in Oadby? Why do people always rob it for trollies? So funny how you always see people on road round there with them.

They've completely changed The Polar Bear. It's mad, like I didn't think I felt any affinity to it, but then I went to watch the game the other night and I kind of missed it. Like it was really grotty, and dingy but I spent a lot of time there. I think a lot of people my age used to hammer it when they'd do quids on a Thursday. It's nice what they've done with it but naturally they're gonna attract a different customer now. They've grown up, maybe I should haha.

I had a nice Sandwich from St Martins in the day. It was a 'Cuban' with pulled pork, hams, pickles, cheese and mustard. It was delicious, but the bread was so so hard and rough it cut all the inside of my mouth haha.

That's your lot. In other news go and watch a documentary on Netflix called 'Austin to Boston'

NEW PODCAST: 085 - WITH LAURYN ROBERTS AKA GHSTWRLD: THE GIRL BEHIND THE SELFIES

This week I'm joined by Lauryn Roberts AKA GhstWrld, the girl who everyone knows of but nobody really knows. Lauryn answers questions on absolutely everything that were submitted via social media as I aim to break her sense of enigma.

Also, if you want to come and guest on my podcast send a message to 'Wickedland Blog' on Facebook or tweet me @Wickedlander.

Don't forget you can download all the old episodes here: www.mediafire.com/#osrccod9oedcg

 

FORMER GRIME PRODUCER PREDITAH GOT REALLY MAD AT ME

The best thing about Twitter is that it gives you a direct line of contact to people in the public eye.

Yesterday I had a funny back and forth with former grime producer Preditah. Preditah is a producer who made a massive impact on the grime scene in 2011/2012. I'm sure you'd know his biggest tune 'Circles' if you heard it. It got hammered at raves all over the country. Not so long after he had made his name in grime, Preditah decided to distance himself from the scene. A lot of people did, this was at a time when grime was in the fucking doldrums. 2009-2012 was a very very dark time for grime. The goal for artists (like Devin, Tinchy Stryda, Wretch 32) it seemed was to get signed to a label, cash in quick and get dropped. Lots of producers went missing and never came back.

Disclosure reopened the door for the garage sound and Preditah followed them through, pledging his allegiance to the garage scene, desperately distancing himself from grime. There is pretty damning evidence scattered around the internet if you care to dig. In November 2012 Preditah featured in a episode of 'Producers House' for SBTV explicitly describing his sound and his music making process. Not once in 18 minutes and 21 seconds does he say the word 'grime.' Infact at 5:15 he says 'I reckon my style is garage, because that's what inspired my music in the first place. Mixed with like RnB, 'cos I like gospel, neo soul, RnB a little bit, sometimes. A little bit of jazz as well. That's the Preditah sound.' later on in the same video he says when discussing how he is looking to work with singers he says 'All MCs can do really is just spit bars.' Sounds like someone with a die hard alliance with the grime scene, right? Sounds to me like a man who is making a very conscious effort to separate himself from an extremely niche culture that doesn't pay too well.



Fast forward another year and Preditah is suddenly a house producer. We are now in 2013 when commercial vocal house is storming the charts from every angle. Preditah has successfully shape-shifted again and is now gaining notoriety and bookings as a house producer and DJ. I specifically remember at the time him replying to comments asking him to make more grime on his Facebook page that he is 'done with grime.'







Now it's 2015 and grime is back alive and well. It's at the forefront of youth culture in our country and artists like Skepta and Stormzy are literally touring the planet selling out headline shows. It's bigger than ever. Cue the ever soulless Preditah crawling over to whatever is the flavour of the month. Yesterday a tweet pops up on my timeline, Preditah saying he was 'Back on the beats.' so I couldn't help but amuse myself with a sarcastic remark regarding what I've just covered.

I think it must be noted that I think it's cool when cross format DJs play a bit of grime, and I have no problem with that. I like hearing grime. But given how Preditah completely 'moved on' (in his own words) myself and a lot of other grime fans felt like he wanted to be part of the grime scene as and when it suited him. In grime, something that is very central to mine and a lot of other people's identities it's almost an offensive notion, not showing the genre the respect it deserves.



Cue Preditah coming into my mentions absolutely furious. He's blocked me and deleted the tweets now, but initially he started by denying the fact he left the scene or that he was vocal about doing so, calling me names and saying he is 'more grime than I'll ever be' (whatever that means hahaha!) Here are the remaining tweets from my side of the altercation, basically just reiterating what I've said so far here.




Then he started to threaten me. Pretty funny stuff, obviously I struck a nerve because he knows I'm talking sense. There is hard evidence all over the place of absolutely everything I've covered.









In hindsight I'm kind of annoyed I didn't DM him my number. I was at work when this all was kicking off so I couldn't really stop to take a call from a wound up former grime producer trying to drive to my city to put it on me. What's the worst he is going to do anyway? Come and stand at the clock tower fuming? I had no interest in scrapping with him, just purely expressing how he left the grime scene and soullessly follows fashion. I could have recorded the conversation or something fun, it is very very rare you get the chance to express how you feel to these guys who pick up and put down grime when they choose how I feel.

A lot of people who got into grime around 2010 hold Preditah very close to their heart. He really was the golden boy of the producers in that era and irrespective of whatever genre he is making he is a talented musician. People who got into grime in 2010 are the ones funding this new wave of attention the grime scene is getting. They were brought up buying 4 track releases from iTunes and continue to fund the scene outside of it's pirate roots, unlike the people from my generation. These 2010 fans are the people buying the tickets to sell out grime raves all over the country. You can't blame them for holding Preditah close to their hearts and welcoming him back to the grime scene with open arms. He is their era. But the cynic in me saw this whole thing pan out, saw the stuff he was saying and saw that he wasn't screaming 'grime' when it was on it's knees and he was a tastemaker in the UK. Now that the pot of gold is back at the end of grime's rainbow sure enough he has tagged along trying to get his hands on it. I wonder what his identity will become when this new wave of grime fades and something bigger comes along.

PS. If you're somehow reading this Preditah, unblock me and tweet me. I'll DM you my number and I'd love to have you on a podcast to talk this out mate.