Wednesday, 23 December 2015

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN CRACKER

Yoooooo probably the last post like this before Christmas! Are you wild excited? I'm really not this year, I don't know why. Maybe because I've not finished work for the year. Soon as I do I'll be well in the festive spirit.

We had a fancy dress work Christmas do a couple weeks back. Looking at this photo it's reminding me how long it's been since I posted this shit. It was a sick night out. We went to Nottingham to this weird club with loads of floors and rooms. It must be a fucking nightmare if you lose your friends.




The ceremonious Ian Player annual festive nipple piercing took place.


My photo from last year is still one of my absolute favourite photos I've ever taken.


The upside of having a load of Europeans over here is the sick food places they open up and all the hot babes they bring with them. The downside is occasionally catching people taking those gauky European profile pictures. Casual photoshoots in the street. My new style is just to take a photo of them too.


I had to go to the hospital for the first time ever in my life as a patient. I fell on my arse playing football and the nurse reckons I've fractured my coccyx. It's so painful, but that's another story. When I was at the hospital I was reminded why I never go. It was so packed full of tramps all just being tramps and it was so hot and long. No personal space either. This bloke came as sat next to me and basically sat his daughter on my knee. Look at this shit. Fuck that man, I'm getting annoyed again just looking at this shit. 


I went to Peter with the Beastwang lot to make pizzas for a christmas party. It was really cool. We all ate loads of pizza and had a couple of the Nutella pizzas for desert. As good as you imagine. I was crap at making pizza by the way. I folded my base and fucked it and it wouldn't spread out nicely.


Nandos can be very stressful when people who do not usually go to Nandos go to Nandos. I was there with Max the other weekend and I think an office christmas party came in. Me and Max were waiting to go up and start queuing but these cunts all just gathered around, in no order, blocking the way completely. Look at this fucking mess. You know when you're young and you think you suddenly become an adult and you have everything all figured out? Then you see a gaggle of 40/50 year olds all acting like they don't have a brain between them and realise it's not that simple. Grown ups can be very very thick idiots too.


Nandos have the most mental paintings. I've noticed them before in a couple other restaurants. There's some haunting shit in the Bow E3 one.


Who is this little bloke on this boat. I have so many questions. What do the eyes all over his suit mean? Why has he got his little hands like that. They're like fucking nightmares. Horrible paintings to look at but I'd love to go to an exhibition of them. I'm sure this and the one I'm on about from Bow are by the same guy.


It's the lies with Tesco isn't it. The constant disappointing, deceitful lies. On the other hand the Express near me has 1) just got contactless and 2) got these chocolate doughnuts. Verryyyyyyyyyyyy excited and happy about eating as many of those as possible over Christmas.


Made a beef stew in the slow cooker. I'm fucking out here man. Really taking the slow cooking world by storm. I'm the Connor McGregor of slow cooking and all the mums don't like that I've just stormed in smashing my way through their little set up since day one. Well they better get used to it. I'm going to make a curry in it over christmas and not one of them can stop me.


Brad ripped the sides off of his McDonalds cheeseburger. Between the constant costa coffees and this shit I don't even know him anymore.


I went out for a lovely Christmas dinner with all the lot who I went Outlook with. I didn't even get a photo I was too busy eating. We went to The Font after and even though it was a nice enough night it was really weird, lot's of odd people there. I guess they all go there so horrible people like me won't spend their week mulling over the weird shit they do and then write about it on the internet, but it looks like I slipped through the net motherfuckers.

It was one of those nights where everyone kept interrupting my conversations to ask if I had a Rizla. You know the kind of people I'm talking about. We were stood outside saying our goodbyes and splitting up and this guy burst over and was like "DO YOU WANT TO SEE A MAGIC TRICK?'

Now admittedly he was pretty good, and did some cool shit, but I find that so weird, those magic guys. I remember seeing two guys in Firebug garden a few years back doing trick shuffles and stuff desperately waiting to be approached by people. I don't understand it. He was hanging around outside and praying on people to show his talent to. I guess given our group, girls. Then they all just went away and forgot about him. Is that what he wants? Is he getting what he was looking for out of that exchange? I don't know.


Sandy shown me some pretty cool shop called Tiger in the Highcross. Thinking about it and I pretty much do all of my shopping online these days and I had no idea that this shop even existed. I'm sure you all know about it, it just sells everything and nothing. Stuff for your home, and little gadgets and shit. Really handy little inventions and it's all so cheap. I was saying to Sandy if I worked there and was around that shit all day every day, AND got staff discount I'd clear £100 every month just picking up shit from there. If you're not familiar it's opposite Krispy Kreme, go and be as dazzled as I was.


Listen when you run up in the Apple store you have to bless the iPhones with something calm


I got a load of stickers made up! I want to get some different designs but these are a start.


If you want some I'll 100% have them on me whenever you bump into me, or nip into Wellgosh on the Highstreet or Graff HQ on Humberstone Gate and get some, they're on the counter. Stick them up and send me a photo!






Yesterday some rare trainers were dropping at Wellgosh. Those guys were camped outside to grab them. It started puuuuuure hammering it down yesterday and I messaged Sandy saying all those guys have fucked it. He sent me this back, and said one of them brought a gazebo along. I can't work out if I'm more annoyed or impressed.


That's all your Wickedland. Thanks for reading and have a very Merry Christmas indeed! As usual I've got the annual Wickedland awards coming up soon and new podcasts and shit.

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