Saturday, 23 January 2010


so got back from sweden a couple of days ago, good innit. it was a lovely little get away, our adventure starts in the 7/11 with george, blake and jamie looking at things. i bought a chocolate brownie which was so so so was very snowy, but not all as cold as i thought. everyone rides bikes, and lots of them were snowed under.
first night, we just went out for a couple of drinks. we ended up at a deadout karaoke night and there was this well funny drunk guy doing 'girls, girls, girls' by jay-z and 'whatever you like' by t.i.

me and george locked off the rave with ms jackson by outkast. they didnt have this charming man by the smiths.
sleepy swedish heads.
ugly innit.
the word 'slut' became a bit of a running theme in sweden. i dont know what it means.
sandy javes works in some shop in stockholm.
george sweeps chimneys too.

j.c = jamie campbell. good innit.
70 percent of real sluts spurt. FACT. that shit is on a poster.
they love licorice too, and so do i. i love the way it tastes horrible. so i got lakrids mint mentos and ate them and they were truthfully disgusting, but i enjoyed them.
i think the girl who draws nemi is from sweden, so i saw her comic in a couple of places. god i hope nobody buys that toe-rag. nemi is still such a twat. we went into a comic book shop and jamie bought an usher poster, looked pretty good.
this really made us laugh. funny innit. the stud guy thinks he has done really well bringing two hot slices back home for the bone until uncle ronnie pops up and invites himself over to stay. what a prick.
saw a t-shirt with a drawing of a cardigan on it. it was preeety bad.
not as bad as a shop window with the worst clothes i have ever seen in though. just spend a second to look at these clothes and try and picture someone who isnt homeless wishing they had them.
corrective shit? jamie represents that.
this guy had a little shop with nice t-shirts that he designed and prints himself. careful you dont ask him about the t-shirts though, he will keep you there just talking and talking.
hilariously named chocolate product.
we got the metro across the city after looking in a few shops and got reading to go out to a night time discotheque.
wow was drink expensive too. in the post below this one, i put up a photo from when we went to a little bar this night. it was the equivalent of £10 to get in, and there was about 40 people inside, and for a 440ml bottle of pear cider it was £5. i know, no wonder we all looks so pissed off.
but then we went onto some other club that was actually pretty good. i remember ending up dancing with george to a pop megamix for far too long. this was a pretty expensive night out also, same thing, £5 for a bottle.

there is this thing called 'snooze' (cant be arsed to look up the spelling) and its like a tiny tea-bag full of tobacco and it sits between your top lip and your gum. apparently it tastes like shit. also, there is a brand called rape.

saw this on the way home, and it made me laugh. notice that the photo is a bit blurry, man was a litttttttle drunk.
ol small head ! we went to a kebab place on the way home and you pay, then when your food is ready, the eastern european tramp shouts "english!?"
the next morning, we went to a little family owned business for breakfast. they baked a big chicken lasagna, beef lasagna and vegetable lasagna and for a slice, a nice soft bread roll and a drink it was like a fiver. shit was fucking beautiful.

also, they had these crazy, crazy pots with everything and anything in. just to list a few ingredients that i can see: boiled egg, slice of lemon, sweetcorn, prawns, jalapenos, cheese, salad leaves, gherkins, bacon, beef, baby corn, olives, peas, crabsticks, slice of pineapple, ham, red peppers, rice and so on and so on. anything goes, no holds barred.
in the post above are a couple of drawings from george. here he is hard at work on the train from stockholm to uppsala.
when we got there we went booze shopping. saw a carlsberg with HOF on it. normal ting.
the rivers were all frozen over too. first night we were going to walk across it, but it never happened.
we were staying in student halls with jamie's sister mairi. there was only one place to eat within walking distant, so alans pizza got battere regular. i never had the pleasure of tasting number 29: chicken, pineapple, bananas, peanuts and curry. lovely.
we went to a couple parties while we were there. they were a bit craaaazy. people were throwing shopping trollies off 5 storey balconies.
the first one we went to was very busy, a little to busy to enjoy. met some funny people though.
this made me laugh when i was drunk at the party.
and this. a cupboard labelled "fanny" ha ha ha. so horrible to think someone would name there child after female genitalia
this guy was asleep.
i remember seeing this calendar in a toilet and pissing. i crossed off mine, jamie and georges birthdays with mascara.
after me and george spent about an hour in a kitchen talking about dad's, and jamie got threatened by a lad dressed as darth vader, then tricked him into drinking neat vodka because it was in a water bottle, (pictured, left) the party had really died down. we went home.
the next day we went to watch the arsenal - bolton match at alans pizza. it was good fun, me and george shared a nice pepperoni one.
look. shared.
also, seen this drink in the shop. jamie bought a can, but didnt drink it while he was in sweden. look at how fucking rank it looks. they had bottles and the actual drink was a brown colour.

one day, we got up relatively early and got two busses upto some ski slopes. turns out you cant rent snowboarding gear, and there was fuck all about for us to bomb down the hills on. so we went for a walk into the woods instead. it was actually really good fun even though it was essentially doing nothing.
also, we walked on a frozen lake, and no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't break the ice. i had a massive fence panel and was banging the ground, but it wouldn't crack.

funny naked magazine at the news agents. not up high or anything, it was on the second row up, perfect eye level for young eyes.
blake almost done a bottle of jack daniels every single night, big drinking style.
the guy with the dreadlocks in the foreground is called victor. victor is from chile and was nearly cumming when we told him we were from england. he spoke about uk hip hop and told us that he really loved foreign beggars. also, we spoke about roots manuva, and he didnt know that he was from england. we spoke about some good swedish hip hop too, he was fucking saaaafe.
a few hours and a lot more booze later, we got stuck in the lift. every time it started moving jamie was pressing the emergency stop button, much to our amusement. sure enough, the lift got stuck and we sat for two hours talking about footballers and arguing. the best bit is, as soon as jamie had chipped in and broke the lift he went sleep and left us to deal with it.
after a action packed two hour period full of everything from panicking about lack of air to trying to boot the door open to borderline tired tears of frustration, out guardian angel, complete in overalls came, and with a twist of a key, we were free. fucking brilliant. 4.45 in the morning.
spotted this little gem on the back of a boots disposable camera. "for best results, process promptly at boots" like it makes a difference where you get them processed. ha ha. i find asda do a cracking job.
alans again, for a cheesy delicious hangover cure. jamie walked over to me, pouring sour cream sauce into a little cup, shown me his pizza and said " i dont want to buzz you out, but look...". now im not going to lie, his pizza did look pretty good, and even asked for a photo so i could never forget it. but by no means would i refer to the way that i felt post-pizza show as buzzed out. nice of him to pre warn me though and give me a chance to prepare myself.
fucking joke. saw this plastered on the side of a shop and hearly wet my tampon. fanta make brilliant fruit drinks, and everyone knows grape is the best flavour. went in the shop, couldnt find that shit anywhere.
speaking of drinks though, i found this on the way home from a pub that night. actual duff beer in a glass bottle. prettty good innit.
that was it. the next morning, we had to get up and pack and make our way to the station. one thing that was real cool about the trip is how well public transport ran. it was really simple to use and efficient.
he beginning of an alcohol free detox ting, i had a full tin of green giant sweetcorn for sort of breakfast. it tasted fucking brilliant.
fast food also, we ate so much of that. one last mcdonalds at the stockholm station. this was simply the most perfect mcdonalds cheeseburger i have ever had. it was so clinical, and plain, but perfect. everything was in its right amount, very simple, as if followed completely from the original blueprint of how to make a mcdonalds cheeseburger.
on the flight back we were sat near this scottish guy who was really drunk and talking to himself. when he got bored of that, he turned to the girl he was sat next to and started trying to talk to her. she pretended to be asleep.
first thing i saw when back to lesta. george picked up so maryland, came to mine and i edited the following movie, that we filmed midweek in uppsala.

i saw this at a bus stop the next day. the sad thing is, some stupid people will actually mistaken it for some kind of iphone and buy it. i bet its shit too. i cant picture some middle aged woman, who hasnt a clue about technology thinking it a different phone that uses the iphone software and apps and all that or something.
valena had a party the night before i got back, and her house was a right mess too. look at all this balloons everywhere.
this is all, i do not have a wasteman of the week because frankly ive called just about everyone in the world out. dont worry, the second i think of some annoying twat i will post his face up on here and wish death on his family, but for now, let peace be.

hope you enjoyed reading of my holiday as much as i enjoyed being on it. back to leiceter life now, hard uni and rain and that. HERE WE GO HERE WE GO HERE WE GO

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