Sunday, 24 July 2011


yo! so here is the second half of what went on in my holiday. barbecues, burns and sexual predators.

me, andre and jamie went out for a few drinks one night and ended up in this blokes mexican themed restaurant. so we ordered our drinks, he gave us stupidly big measures, and then got the tequilla shots in. these little glasses were doubles, and he brought us over a trayful and smashed one down with us.

after that he took us to the casino. he got us all in and bought us all gin and tonics. we watched the show with these dancers who sung show tunes, and things like YMCA. these two mental muscle men came out and started doing all this shit. it was so impressive.

the night went a bit weird. as we started to feel a bit pissed we went back to his bar for some more drinks. the night was merry. he was being really sneaky about buying fags.

rounds and rounds of free tequillas kept coming out and getting put away. we were really smashed. we were sat singing the wrong words to mexican songs pure loud really having fun.

thats when it happened. we took a picture and he harassed me. he put his hands all over me. and his head. his head is in a place for a girlfriend, in a photo on a fireplace.

he was pissed out of his head, seeing stuff everywhere he liked. i had a shot of tequilla (again, courtesy of him, to make sure we were all liquored up) and started patting my chest to help it down. he rubbed my chest before i slapped his hand away, and then he started patting the seat next to him and saying "you're my're my baby"

that queued our exit before rafael, the gay mexican in portugal bummed the life out of my drunken little english body.

pissed out of our brains. waking up the next day was hard work.

they had these reeeeeeally small cans of beer. they were only 250ml's, and when you think a can of coke is 330ml's, thats pretty small innit!

they had some good shit in the supermarket. jamie was talking how donuts dont get enough props.

some 'LOL' biscuits.

they had ridiculous meat kebab things that just looked stupid. round bits of pig skin wrapped around different meats with peppers and olives stuffed in them. maaaan.

however, they had the most green bananas that i have ever seen. can you imagine how horrible that must taste? loooool

we were down to the beach later that day. me, andre and jamie played football with some youngers down this astroturf pitch. the small lad in the yellow t-shirt (hozay, the spanish 11 year old) was really good!

we got back that evening and had a barbecue. it was wicked, we bought some nice stuff from that market. this was a cheese burger, but we cooked the burgers in peri peri sauce. #moash

the beaches were so nice and long.

in this restaurant we went to on the last night i had this proper good bit of grilled pork that was cooked with cheese in the centre. i think in the way that woman binge on chocolate, when something really fucks up in my life, you will see me on the sofa, watching love actually eating meat and cheese, crying.

this photograph in the paper had me dying. 'i'll fucking batter you. you're nothing you little fucking maggot.'

standardly burnt the back of my thighs. nothing like the last time i went portugal and fell asleep in the sun. (see below)

these huge filled blisters were congregating on the back of my leg.

they formed on big one at the end of the first night. my thigh was massive, and firm with water tension. i kept soaking flannels with ice cold water and resting them on it. after about 15 minutes the flannel was steaming, and dead hot. they were really giving off some heat.

i finally got the balls together to pop the blister and peel off the layers of skin. it was really deep and raw. #nohomo

this was after a couple of days of being back. the skin was either crispy and rock solid or dead moist and i could just wipe it away. i was left with a big round white patch scar on the back of my left thigh.


some cool shit airbrushed onto the side of this lorry cabin.

we went to porto for the final day. the most beautiful city i have ever seen i reckon. so so nice. i liked this weird couple on this poster. well done mate, batting well out of your league there.

they have the same fountain in a square as ours in town hall square. apparently they used the same mould, and just transported it here.

we went into this old building that had some breath taking woodwork, ive never seen anything like it. it is now a book shop.

honestly, the whole thing was stunning. click the image for a closer look.

they had a mental stained glass window in the top too. it was lovely. i got to the top of these stairs then got told off for taking pictures.

cool t-shirt bro.

these scout dickheads were out on a day trip. how old do you have to get before you drop that shit? i personally was never into that gay shit. go to a fucking church and do brownies but for boys? fuck that. i will be playing wrestling if you need me. BAGZIES THE ROCK LOLZA

why wear shoes when you can just tie the laces together and dangle them from your neck?

this woman with her own photo behind her market stand. she didn't look happy in either. business wasn't so great.

jamie found a real vice out there in these magnum sandwich ice creams. one half of it (the good half) was like a soft chocolate biscuit thing with vanilla ice cream in the middle. he was clucking for these, smashing them when available.

'why get a good tattoo when you can get a power logo in green, really thick on your elbow?'

porto kids were jumping into the river. we badly wanted to swim across it but would have had no way of getting showered and changed as it was our last day and we had checked out of the hotel.

these tramps were washing in the fountain. this guy was wetting a comb, and then combing his hair slick back. next to them was a woman with a market stall selling the shittest stuff, like a little action figures head she had found on the floor.

that was portugal. i had a wicked time, and avoided getting raped by a mexican bloke, so that was a bonus. thanks for looking, ill upload the forth episode of HI, SOCIETY tonight or tomorrow morning. cheers!!

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