WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK: 055

WASTEMAN OF THE WEEK - THE BRITISH WEATHER

I seriously don't know how much more of this shite I can take. Look outside. It's June right now. Actual June. People around me are wearing coats and scarves. That's so insane right? I can get over the rain, that shit just happens, that's what this crap country does. Good gimmick. But seriously, this cold? What the fuck is this shit? Is this just what we have to get used to from now on? When is it actually going to get hot? It was 8 degrees in the day yesterday. I played football yesterday evening and it was 4 degrees at one point. People were playing and wearing gloves and thermal layers.

Now the actual weather is only half the problem. The other half of the problem is people who truly believe that you can look into the future and see what the weather is going to be like. I'll drop some quick knowledge on you right now that's going to change the whole game. All weather forecasts are absolute bollocks. None of them ever mean a thing. Never ever pay them mind. They're almost always wrong. I'm so completely sick of people telling me a heatwave is coming, or that it's supposed to be hot all next week. All that does is adds to the disappointment when it's cold in June. Just look outside, in England you can tell how hot it is roughly, and bank on it raining at some point in the day. That's your new weather forecast.

But seriously fuck this shit, it is rotting my soul. It eats at me every day. I think about those kids in Africa with the flies on their eyelids on the Oxfam adverts asking for £2 a month for clean water. They'll never know how it feels playing football in 4 degrees in June and having to wear thermal layers.