Tuesday, 6 January 2015


Yo people what's good, it's the blog game Phil Collins and we are back, in a new year with new strangers to discuss and shit. Sit Comfortably, maybe get yourself a hot drink or whatever your thing is.

It's good when you see people in real life who look like characters out of films or whatever. I really hope this guy wasn't aware of how he looked, I would hate to think that it was contrived.

Am I being mental here? This guys arse is literally out, how is that not uncomfortable for him? Not only from a point of view where everyone can see his arse and it's all cold and bare and shit, but aren't his jeans digging into his arse halfway down? So weird, I can't understand it.

Mumsy went in with the christmas dinner as per usual. I had the most textbook cliche christmas day, but it was wicked. I was really pissed in the evening, sat just nursing a bottle of Morgans.

Right, let's have a go at darts then.

So I wanna get one thing straight, straight away. Anything where you can be pissed out your head and still compete in the world championships isn't a sport. That's just a game. It isn't fit to be on Sky Sports. But because these personality-less vessels entertain whatever shit is put in front of them darts is fucking EVERYWHERE!

So I'm considering the factors here. I'm wondering wether it's the people I surround myself with. Young suggestible men who like sports, and like to be on the inside of whatever the current thing is than on the outside, not included. The same wankers those fucking Ladbrokes adverts appeal to. The same lads who started calling accumulators 'acca's' a couple years ago. These people make up a good portion of my twitter timeline.

Another factor is that it's this time of year. Everyone is a bit skint after christmas so people are spending a lot of time in front of the TV, and it's cold, so nobody is going and sitting on Bede Island to kill some time. It's like Sky Sports know what they are doing with it, don't ever think they don't. Literally just deciding what to feed these drones next. Fucking darts. Really?

GOOGLE GLASS UPDATE: £725 now (down from £850) I'll keep you updated. I was gonna say something like 'I'll keep an eye on this', I'm sure there is a good joke in there somewhere.

Me, Tom and Dan went to Liverpool for New Years. Fucking scenes there. Funny shit. This boarded up cash point read 'Out Of Order' like as if you might get your card out and go to use the massive white metal sheet to draw cash out if that wasn't wrote on it haha.

Some of the buildings were bloody lovely.

We went for a little mooch down the docks when we got there. it was the most miserable weather you've ever seen right on the front of the mersey. The sky was so low and full, and ice cold mist was blowing in off of the river. I've got one life to live and I spend it in this weather.

I saw baaaaare girls with rollers in. Almost to the point where it was like a fashion statement thing. Is this a liverpool thing? All I could think of was the old scouse cliche of having that big curly hair haha.

This girl was sat next to us in a pub. I couldn't believe how much she looked like my sister Natalie. Literally dressed exactly the same as her too, it was insane.

Ok so that night was new years eve and we went out. We found this tequila bar with loads of varieties of tequila. I went to the bar to get us three shots and the guy gave me £7 back from a tenner. They were all £1. It went downhill fast from there. Up until this point I've always hated tequila. It always shows up at times when things have already gone too far, but I'm looking at this picture and my mouth is watering, I think I might have developed a taste for it.

They were still red hot going down haha

I remember being hammered and this really making me laugh. Like that's so regular, you don't even have to mention it right? I was laughing thinking they're trying to make a selling point from something really normal, acting like it's an offer they're laying on for us all out of the goodness of their hearts.

Some toilet attendant had 64 different aftershaves. I stood and counted. I've never seen a collection like it. I remember standing there, squinting, swaying in a pissed stupor considering how much money he would have had to put up to build this inventory. Then I considered he will water them all down in time, and stretch each measurement by at least 50%, and then I considered that for every few little spritzes he earns a quid. It's slow money but the margins are pretty good aren't they? 

Slozzle fest. We missed the countdown, our ears were too pissed to decipher the surrounding noise.

Fucking absolute outfit this is isn't it? We found this weird, weird place called Hibbie Jibbies. It was like Orange tree upstairs, with the Firebug smoking area and then downstairs was a cross between Sophbeck and Poonana.

Imagine someone writing this out haha. How did they think this would go? Do you reckon they thought it would work? Or is it like voting where every little helps, and everyone's small movement can add up to something far stronger?

....Preeeeeetty sure that's just a full english. Irish people love to just claim stuff as their own don't they. Call stuff Irish when it's just a thing in the world.

We went to Anfield! That was why we were there. When the fixtures came out at the start of the year we saw that Leicester were away at Liverpool on New Years Day so we thought it would be fun to make a trip of it. Liverpool went 2-0 up in the first half after a couple of penalties converted by Steven Gerrard, and then Liverpool went to bits and let Leicester (who fully deserved it) back into the game with two cracking goals and it ended 2-2. We were dead lucky, All the goals were right in front of us, so that was nice.

That's everything! I hope your christmas and new years was as fun as mine was, see you all back here soon. No go on! Back to work!

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